Water of Life.

Dear Diary, run in with the water board nincompoops, summer of


Round One.

You know I keep trying to tell them what they are letting themselves in

for, but do they listen? Do they hell as like!

And that’s where they are heading, hell!

Take our local water authority as an example. They think they are

really clever with the millions they cream off the punters, who

incidentally, get no say whatsoever, in what happens to their money

once it reaches the water waster’s sweaty mits!

Well, oh boy, have I got news for them, because they are not clever at

all. They are really quite stupid! And like I said, I did try to warn

them, when they decided, without my knowledge, to take me to court

for a thirty quid debt, which they successfully doubled to sixty, by

slapping on court costs! I mean, we are no different to the majority in

this country, eking out a living on a low income and vast outgoings.

My old man, The Top Dog, works. He works damn hard, but we still

find it a constant struggle to make ends meet. So naturally, from time

to time we flounder and get a bit behind. But do the plebs even try to

understand? No, they do not! So, obviously, when I discovered I’d

been taken to court without even being informed, there was steam

coming out of my ears. I declared war there and then!

Now this is where it becomes interesting, because I sat down and put

pen to paper and sent them this little missive.

Dear Sir or Madman,

I would just like to ask your company, and indeed the judge who

judges such cases, exactly how do you suppose that doubling some-

one’s debts by court action, when it’s obvious that they are already

struggling financially, can possibly aid your own, or indeed anyone’s


I would just like to remind you all, most especially the judge, that one

day you will have to make answer to your creator for your

judgements, and as it is supposed to be the judge’s job to judge fairly,

I know some of you are going to have a hard time explaining away the

added burdens they place upon the innocent. Thanks to the gross

unfairness of this system, people like us have trouble surviving from

day to day, without being crippled by un-understanding companies like

this one that sees fit to crucify struggling families with court costs,

instead of offering a little time and tolerance.

To my mind, if anyone ought to be on trial, it’s the governors of this

fair land, that see fit to punish the innocent with their endless rules and

regulations that benefit only those who aren’t in need of benefit! But,

then, this old world is run on corruption, isn’t it?

Still, who cares? It’s only their own lives they are sacrificing, life

eternal or death eternal at the end of the age. And we all know where

the unjust are going, don’t we?

So thank you and farewell.

Yours blah…

That told ’em!

But that’s not the end of the story, not by a long chalk. At the end of

my missive I added a PS, to the tune of, I’ll offer to pay five pounds

per week to pay off any arrears.

It wasn’t long before I got my reply.

Five pounds per week simply wasn’t good enough. Slapped handies!

And if I didn’t offer a more substantial amount, or clear this debt

completely by blah, blah date, which was ten days later, then they

would be taking me to court again, at a court about fifty miles away

from where we live!

That would be loads of traveling expenses to cough up!

I didn’t have to go of course. I could have offered a few more quid.

But I didn’t want to offer a few more quid! We had little enough

money to go round as it was, and besides, I was busting for a

confrontation with these people. I wanted to tell them loudly, exactly

what I thought about their stinking, rotten methods.

So, I didn’t even bother to waste a stamp to reply. I just sat back and

waited for my invitation to go and play. I must be the only person

who has looked forward to going to court, and oh, boy, did I enjoy

myself when I got there.

I stepped into that courtroom proud, with my head held high, fully

armed with ammo to fire at them.

I was met by a representative from the shit shovelers and the judge,

both sitting. Judgie was in the process of reading my letter. And I

swear, when I walked into that room, he had a tremble on, not

obvious like, but my letter appeared to be doing a bit of quaking in his

sweaty mits! He immediately referred to my letter and the criticism of

him as a judge, and much to the water waster’s consternation, the first

half of the sitting consisted of judgie making answer to me for the

position he is in, and no, it’s not always a fair system, but he is only

doing his job as the law dictates! Catch that word did you? Dictate,

that’s what they do, dictate…think about it.

Still, the judge and I had already established that the law was out of

order and I was beginning to warm to this bloke.

Meanwhile sewer rat was obviously pissed off as he did his best to

keep up the officially intimidating stance, as they do. He didn’t

succeed, especially as I had trouble keeping the smirk off my face

every time I looked at him. No, the poor lost soul was destined to go

steadily downhill from there on as we moved onto the reason for us all

being there- my whopping great debt of sixty quid, of which you will

recall, only thirty was the original figure.

I was asked if ten pounds per week was an acceptable amount to clear

this debt.

“Well, I’m not actually sure I want to pay it,” said I, especially

considering one hell of a cock up had been made by these plebeians at

Scalby, where they had quite literally flushed millions of the

customer’s money down the drain on a sewage scheme that no one

wanted and which caused horrible illnesses among the locals from the

ghastly chemicals they used, and that’s without mentioning the horrific

chemical stink they were forced to live with! There had been public

outcry about this matter, but did Yorkshire Water listen? Did they hell

as like. They went right ahead and did exactly as they pleased,

regardless of public opinion or consequence, just like many other

corrupt corporations do!

There was no stopping me now.

I gave the water waster the evil eye as I said off the top of my head,

“There are a LOT OF VERY ANGRY PEOPLE out there who are

demanding the heads of the chairman and his board of directors, for

having proved themselves to be totally incompetent and therefore

unworthy to manage, or should I say mismanage, the public’s money

that is paid to take care of the water which is life!”

His face was a picture to behold, and I mean, he wasn’t to know that I

was the majority doing the demanding, was he? But then, maybe, I’m

bigger than any mass could ever be, just by being me! Fish…that’s all

I’ve got to say about that is…FISH!

Anyway, I returned to judgie to ask for his opinion on this problem,

telling him plainly I wanted to rebel.

He told me that it wasn’t his place to promote rebellion but then

proceeded to advise me to get loads of local coverage, radio,

newspapers, that sort of thing. I was becoming quite fond of this


We began chatting about associated topics. I told him about some truly

wonderful people I was lucky enough to know, The Sons of Neptune,

a group of professional nice guys who did silly things like parade

through busy high streets, dressed in mourning garb, carrying coffins,

to highlight the murder that is and shall continue to go on through the

sea being polluted with raw sewage.

It turned out he knew one of them, my pal, the lawyer. But apparently

the lawyer didn’t yet know the judge was a judge. I gave him my

wickedest grin and said, “No.? Well, he soon will!”

Our social intercourse was brought to a close, mostly because the

sewer rat was looking decidedly peeved. So an agreement had to be

reached. Judgie advised me that my best policy would be to pay up,

because if I didn’t the only thing that I would achieve, would be me

amassing more and more court costs. So it was sort of agreed that I

would pay ten pounds per week, but, I made it clear that although I

was saying I would keep to this plan, I wasn’t promising anything.

And as it turned out, I made one payment and then promptly lost my

paying in book!

It must have been when I sent it to Paul Foot, of daily Mirror fame, as

part of my documented proof of case. Good old Paul informed the

nation what a pack of useless money grabbing plebs are in charge of

Yorkshire Water, but meanwhile, oh dearie me, I appeared to have lost

my paying in book… what a tragedy!… and then promptly forgot all

about it.

Anyway, it came to pass that The Top Dog, that is darling hubby,

decided it was time to forget about all the bills and spend the money,

which isn’t a lot, even though he does work his bollocks off, on a few

days camping. Have a rest sort of thing, and what a rest it was, I tell

you! Carting a massive rucksack each, a tent, our little love bug…or

spoilt brat depending on the mood of the moment, his pushchair and

one of our two woof machines, a huge fat blob of a collie, who hates

buses would you believe, on and off buses all over Northumberland!

Beautiful place, wonderful friendly people…but relaxing? Never!

We got home completely knackered to discover, that not only had the

two teenage monsters, that is my two kids from a previous marriage to

Peter the Fisher Of Men, had had a gathering…That’s a

wild party in our speak, which is another story completely. But, our

wonderful water authority had dropped us a pleasant little ditty,

informing us that unless we paid fifty smackeroos, by the next day by

now, then we could fully expect the bailiffs to pay us a visit to recover

that amount in our goods. Or, if that failed they were legally within

their rights to disconnect our water supply…Can you believe that? Do

you understand the sinister undertones of that statement?

It means they have been granted legal licence to murder poor people!

Could it be that they have a conspiracy, you know, a dirty deal, going

with the Magog Hag who’s finally figured out this long term answer to

the unemployment problem?

Like, I’ll sell you the water industry, which the thick suckers paid to

install in the first place with their taxes, and you lot can get good and

fat and filthy rich on all the profits you’re gonna cream. Then you push

the costs up and up until they are out of reach of those working class

commoners. Then you cut their life line. They snuff it because I’ve

already made sure the rivers and streams are poisoned, so they won’t

be able to resort to those. Then hey presto, no more unemployment!

In fact, a lot less of those nasty, vulgar, tedious commoners who keep

threatening our glorious powerful positions with their constant wails of

injustice! So, if you’ll scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours and together

we’ll solve this problem all legal and above board!

But yeah, anyway, back to our tale of woe.

The bailiff came. Quite a small chap he was, and reasonable too. I

asked him if he had anything to do with Yorkshire Water?

“No,” said he.

“Aren’t you the lucky one?” said I. He agreed.

And to cut a long story short, he accepted a fiver a week off my

massive debt and offered to call round every week to collect fivers

until the debt was cleared.

I wonder how much that cost them? But it’s not for me to question the

wisdom of their ways. LIKE HELL IT IS!!! A sea polluted with

meningitis, hepatitis, gastritis, even the aids virus, without mentioning

the rest, I’m not questioning. I’m condemning!

And I’m allowed to condemn because God Almighty said so!

Yes, Led Zeppelin, she’s bought and she’s definitely bringing.

I’ve got a stairway direct to heaven, but have they? I don’t think so!

You see, it’s like this. When you pop your little old clogs and shuffle

off this mortal coil as it were, it’s a similar action to the water cycle.

Actually it’s nothing like the water cycle, because water isn’t wrapped

in anything like we are, it just is. But you’ll get the drift when you look

at the humble raindrop. It comes down from the sky and meets up

with other raindrops. Collectively they form streams, rivers, lakes, seas

and oceans, and this is the bit I’m searching for, the collectively bit.

Because quite apart from the feeding and nourishing they do along the

way, keeping the whole of everything alive and living, that humble

raindrop comes together with the rest eventually. And that is what

happens to you when you draw your terminal breath and snuff it. Your

spirit becomes one with the rest, and, this is where you worry folks,

this is where you’re gonna wish you hadn’t robbed people blind, selling

something that God gives freely. Because as soon as you evaporate as

it were, your every earthly thought, your every earthly action is, you

might say, laid open for all above you to witness. Nothing, absolutely

nothing is hidden. No vision, but you see. No sound, but you hear. It’s

a bit like thought, you don’t see it, you don’t hear it, but it’s there! And

I’ve lost myself with all this wandering, but what I’m trying to point out

is the fact that you good people are paying over your hard earned

money to dead people! It’s the end of the age and all those who abuse

God’s trust for their own personal selfish ends ‘aint coming back, at

least not unless they see the light and put back all they’ve taken out.

Until then, they are walking, talking dead people.

Life goes round and around. It’s a circle. The body ages and dies but

the soul lives on and ascends to God. Then, dependant upon your

actions on earth, either you are free to map out your own future

incarnation or you’re not.

For example, why do you suppose turkey is the traditional Christmas

dinner these days? It’s no accident. It’s because that is where all your

power hungry, corrupt politicians are heading, gabble, gabble…dead


The Jews are wrong about pork. They weren’t once upon a time. Once

upon a time their seers took good care of them, because those Godly

people knew how dodgy pork is without refrigeration, it’s a killer. So

God warned them off via the prophets. But He is warning them no

more, because we have got hi-tech now where meat can be stored

safely. So used under these hi-tech measures and the pigs allowed to

grow naturally, pork is no longer a danger. In fact it’s pretty damn

tasty. Plus our naughty boys in blue have been aptly named by their

adoring public, so do the right thing all you perverted bum inspectors

out there. Yes, folks, what an eye opener eh? Your tax money being

spent to give these debauched twats paid legal access to live out their

sick fantasies on your bums, and, let’s face facts, it could be you next

time. Anyone coming through customs these days is a possible target!

But, talking about foreign affairs, we come to the Mad Ass Moron of

the Middle East- old Saddam, the mad man. David Icke once said he

was dead, and he wasn’t wrong. That man is as dead as the do-do,

extinct, eternal dead meat. God said the songsters of the middle heaven

are to eat of the flesh of Kings, and this sad man who thinks he’s a

King, is soon to become a big, fat, funky chicken just for starters.

Imagine it, an eternity of being incarnated to be dished up with mint

sauce, apple sauce, stuffing and all the other delights, all to be endured

with the awareness of a human, while the rest of us get bombed in his

eternal palaces! Doesn’t bear thinking about, really, does it? But whose

fault is that Mad Man? And I wouldn’t like to be in Bush’s socks

either! Or the old Magog Hag’s, because I get first go at planning her

future incarnation! That’s how it works see, each and every life that an

individual’s actions cause harm to, that life owns the same portion of

the soul of the inflictor…so that’s her, well fucked, isn’t it? Her works

have caused misery to the vast proportion of the planet!

Run in with the water board nincompoops. Round Two. Summer


Dear Diary,

After the last episode concerning our ever efficient friends in the water

industry, I began to busy myself collecting associated news paper


I also joined a local action group that had been set up to put pressure

on these people regarding the raw sewage they pumped directly into

the sea. Yawn! There was an awful lot of talk and very little action, I

soon became bored and decided to branch out and do my own thing.

One of Saladin’s friends created for me, on his college computer, a

poster like picture of the Christian cross, set in the sea, covered in all

sorts of fetid filth that gets pumped out into the sea along with the raw

sewage, toilet paper, sanitary towels, blah, only to be washed up later

with the incoming tide. He headed the poster, Trying To Get The

Message A-Cross! I mounted this at the centre of a huge piece of

cardboard, then began to add news clippings with headlines such as,

Sons of Neptune Claim Raw Sewage Could Lead to Super Bugs… Not

Good Enough for Bestselling Beach Guide… Awash With Dosh… £6

Million Sewage Scheme Slammed… Anger at Revelations of Outfall

Chemicals… Dirty Business… If You Saw What Was Dumped in the

Sea You Would Never Go Near it Again… And so on and so forth. I

added around the information that accompanied the many headlines,

statement cuttings I found apt like… Darkroom delights, can you

survive?… Health choice you don’t want. Six different clippings linked

together issued the warning… How to avoid aids-stay out of

Yorkshire’s water. And so I went on. I even added jokes… ‘Do not

drop litter. Use the ocean provided!’ I built up my collection until I had

some thirty exhibits of condemnation. It was time for a public showing.

Meanwhile, The Top Dog had formed a band, Turn, with his cousin

and a couple who are friends of ours. They gigged locally for various

charities and had built up quite a following. I began taking my

exhibition of condemnation along for the fans to peruse, while making

sure there were plenty of leaflets containing the addresses of the people

to whom complaints should be directed.

Then the couple in the band was blessed with my Godson and the

band folded.

So I stopped paying my water bill!

The court summons duly arrived, but this time round I was well


For my defence I wrote a letter to the court.

Dear Sir or Madam,

In defence to the reasoning behind my with-holding payments to

Yorkshire Water Services:

I wish to draw your attention to the fact that despite half yearly profits

of £72 million, Yorkshire Water has still increased charges by more

than 6% since April, somewhat more than the rate of inflation, which

follows last years 7% increase! And yet the Chairman and his board of

directors STILL willfully and systematically refuse to install full

sewage treatment plants, hence the sea continues to be polluted with

such nasties as meningitis, hepatitis, gastritis, and even the aids virus!

I find It totally extraordinary, not to mention abhorrent, that

supposedly intelligent people can complacently sit back and allow these

vile pollutions to continue when it’s common knowledge that the whole

world is in a dire state of crisis! Just how does ‘Sir?’ Chairman justify

his £2,750 per week salary while the earth dies screaming? Has the

man no shame?

They arrogantly disregard such evidence as given to the commons

environmental committee by Mr Pat Gowan, a former marine biologist

at the University of East Anglia, which suggests that the aids virus can

survive for more than 24 hours in sea water. He called for an

immediate ban on raw sewage disposal at sea. The committee

chairman, Sir Hugh Rossi, said Mr Gowan’s claims would be fully

investigated and a formal response sought from the government health

experts. Mr Gowan said research by Dr John Slade, chief virologist for

Thames Water had shown that the HIV virus lives for 2.8 days in

settled sewage and is active in seawater for 1.6 days. The head of the

London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, Prof Arie

Zuckerman, had discovered that in swimming pools the virus could be

destroyed by chlorination, but this was not viable for disinfection of

sea outfalls because it was fatal to the marine environment. But, Mr

Gowan, Norfolk Friends of the Earth North Sea Action Group co-

ordinator, said all his attempts to persuade the government to research

the problem had failed! But with the escalation of aids in the

community sea disposal of untreated sewage must be seen as a highly

dangerous practice that MUST be terminated!

And this information came to light on 15-03-90! So what has been

done about it? Not a lot!

These people that put profit before the welfare of the earth and its

peoples are repugnant. They are the scum of the earth. Especially as

they act in full knowledge of the situation, yet still insist on putting

private profit above all else!

They heartlessly disconnect 100 families per week from the water

which is life. It’s worse than Victorian times. At least then there were

public pumps, washrooms and baths where people could get clean

water. But do these ‘caretakers?’ of God’s water care? If they did, it

wouldn’t be happening. They are merciless in their pursuit of profit.

They crucify low income families without a second thought! May they

burn in the eternal pits of hell fire for their crimes…and I can assure

you they will, because the damage their greed has caused to the

creation that God loves, is, I would say, incalculable!

I may owe them a said amount of money, but how much do they owe

me and the rest of the world for the gross neglect of the responsibility

they bear towards the care of the water system and the environment in


They are in effect, murdering our planet for profit!

Your blah.

P.S. I would happily pay the amount being asked if I could be sure it

was going towards healing the earth, as opposed to lining a few fat

cats’ filthy pockets.

For that particular court appearance I’d hired a nearby hall, where I’d

set up my exhibition of condemnation, for the country’s press, who I’d

invited along to witness my ‘shame.’

The press turned up in droves. Both, the BBC and ITV film crews,

appeared to interview me. At least three of the local radio stations

turned up and I lost count of the amount of journos who swamped me,

but I was plastered all over a lot of papers the next day and on the

telly. And almost all of those media people encouraged me to ‘Go, girl,

go’, keep up the pressure! Yeah, Yorkshire Water is really loved in

these parts!

But I hadn’t finished yet.

I received a final notice from Yorkshire Water for £20.12, I decided to

make an issue out of it and wrote personally to the knighted ‘Sir?’ who

was the chairman.

Dear ‘Sir?’

If you would care to look around at the CRITICAL state of the world

today, you will come to understand that we are living at the end of the

age, as is written in the Bible. And I can assure you, there are plenty of

theologians out there who will bear me out on this point, as well as

innumerable saintly songsters (listen to the tape) who have been and

indeed are, operating on a subconscious spiritual level.

So, people like yourself and your directors who put private profit

above the welfare of the earth and its peoples, are going down the

wrong path. And we all know what happens to those who go down the

wrong path at the end of the age, don’t we? The old eternal pits of

damnation! Wow!

And if you think I’m a joker perhaps you ought to check it out. Let’s

face facts. Things can’t get much worse. What with the ozone situation

worsening as I write, this world is teetering on burn out. And that is

without mentioning the heinous pollutions that your people willfully

allow to continue while you wallow in the rewards of your crimes

against God! Maybe it’s time you began thinking about making amends

before you go to meet your maker? We all die eventually, and quite

frankly, I would hate to be in your shoes. You ought to be a VERY

worried person. If you don’t believe me, then maybe you ought to

begin reading the scriptures to discover exactly what God thinks of you

and your kind.

Also, I’ve received a final warning from your people for the amount of

£20.12. As it is impossible for us to settle this amount in full on a

fortnightly income of £160 for three of us, with out goings of £20

electric, £4 rent, and £5 per week to you people before thinking about

anything else, I would appreciate the whole thing being broken down

into fortnightly payments. I shall leave this problem in your incapable

hands, because, quite frankly, it doesn’t really matter to me.

Yours blah.

P.S. Find enclosed music.

Queen. The Prophet’s Song.

Queen. Death on Two Legs.

Beatles. Piggies.

New Age Steppers. Some Love Brings Me Down, Down, Down.

P.P.S. I was born in Dracula country, therefore anyone who

hurts me or mine- I go straight for the metaphorical jugular!

I received a reply shortly afterwards informing me that ‘Sir?’ was no

longer the chairman of Yorkshire Water Services.

And that Dear Diary is the end of round two. Round three is yet to be

fought, but I tell you this, it will be really revolting.

During my war on water, I attempted to put this across to the

camera’s. It wasn’t broadcast.

If you would care to look around at the critical state of the world

today, you will come to discover that we are living at the end of the

age as is written in The Bible.

But what I’m attempting to put across is the fact that these people who

put private, personal profit above the welfare of the world and its

peoples are going down the wrong path. And we all know what

happens to those that go down the wrong path at the end of the age!!

So we are in effect, allowing spiritually dead people to ride rough shod

over something as precious as the water which is life, for little more

than their own personal profit!

Interestingly my number in numerology=999

Check it out in The Devil And All His Works by Dennis Wheatley.

Also check out City Of Revelations by John Mitchell which suggests

that the second coming of Christ and the beast could be one and the


Revelations Ch 15 v 2.

And I saw as it were a glassy sea mingled with fire; and them that

came victorious from the beast and from the number of his name,

standing by the glassy sea, having harps of God.

1 = A I Q J Y

2 = B K R

3 = C G L S

4 = D M T

5 = E H N X

6 =U V W

7 = O Z

8 = F P

My first name Irene = 1+2+5+5+5 = 1+8= 9

My character name Constantine Payne =

3+7+5+3+4+1+5+4+1+5+5+8+1+1+5+5= 6+3= 9

My surname Boyce =2+7+1+3+5=1+8= 9

Now try Jesus…1+5+3+6+3 = 1+8 = 9

Christ…3+5+2+1+3+4 = 1+8 = 9

6+6+6 = 1+8 = 9

And you know what they say, one man’s saviour is another man’s

devil, just depends which side you belong to.

But the wicked ones have sold their eternal souls to the devil ;-))) Mwwhahaha. It is written!

God sure does work in mysterious ways. Mwwwhahaha.


4 thoughts on “Water of Life.”

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