Dear Diary, run in with the water board nincompoops, summer of
You know I keep trying to tell them what they are letting themselves in
for, but do they listen? Do they hell as like!
And that’s where they are heading, hell!
Take our local water authority as an example. They think they are
really clever with the millions they cream off the punters, who
incidentally, get no say whatsoever, in what happens to their money
once it reaches the water waster’s sweaty mits!
Well, oh boy, have I got news for them, because they are not clever at
all. They are really quite stupid! And like I said, I did try to warn
them, when they decided, without my knowledge, to take me to court
for a thirty quid debt, which they successfully doubled to sixty, by
slapping on court costs! I mean, we are no different to the majority in
this country, eking out a living on a low income and vast outgoings.
My old man, The Top Dog, works. He works damn hard, but we still
find it a constant struggle to make ends meet. So naturally, from time
to time we flounder and get a bit behind. But do the plebs even try to
understand? No, they do not! So, obviously, when I discovered I’d
been taken to court without even being informed, there was steam
coming out of my ears. I declared war there and then!
Now this is where it becomes interesting, because I sat down and put
pen to paper and sent them this little missive.
Dear Sir or Madman,
I would just like to ask your company, and indeed the judge who
judges such cases, exactly how do you suppose that doubling some-
one’s debts by court action, when it’s obvious that they are already
struggling financially, can possibly aid your own, or indeed anyone’s
I would just like to remind you all, most especially the judge, that one
day you will have to make answer to your creator for your
judgements, and as it is supposed to be the judge’s job to judge fairly,
I know some of you are going to have a hard time explaining away the
added burdens they place upon the innocent. Thanks to the gross
unfairness of this system, people like us have trouble surviving from
day to day, without being crippled by un-understanding companies like
this one that sees fit to crucify struggling families with court costs,
instead of offering a little time and tolerance.
To my mind, if anyone ought to be on trial, it’s the governors of this
fair land, that see fit to punish the innocent with their endless rules and
regulations that benefit only those who aren’t in need of benefit! But,
then, this old world is run on corruption, isn’t it?
Still, who cares? It’s only their own lives they are sacrificing, life
eternal or death eternal at the end of the age. And we all know where
the unjust are going, don’t we?
So thank you and farewell.
That told ’em!
But that’s not the end of the story, not by a long chalk. At the end of
my missive I added a PS, to the tune of, I’ll offer to pay five pounds
per week to pay off any arrears.
It wasn’t long before I got my reply.
Five pounds per week simply wasn’t good enough. Slapped handies!
And if I didn’t offer a more substantial amount, or clear this debt
completely by blah, blah date, which was ten days later, then they
would be taking me to court again, at a court about fifty miles away
from where we live!
That would be loads of traveling expenses to cough up!
I didn’t have to go of course. I could have offered a few more quid.
But I didn’t want to offer a few more quid! We had little enough
money to go round as it was, and besides, I was busting for a
confrontation with these people. I wanted to tell them loudly, exactly
what I thought about their stinking, rotten methods.
So, I didn’t even bother to waste a stamp to reply. I just sat back and
waited for my invitation to go and play. I must be the only person
who has looked forward to going to court, and oh, boy, did I enjoy
myself when I got there.
I stepped into that courtroom proud, with my head held high, fully
armed with ammo to fire at them.
I was met by a representative from the shit shovelers and the judge,
both sitting. Judgie was in the process of reading my letter. And I
swear, when I walked into that room, he had a tremble on, not
obvious like, but my letter appeared to be doing a bit of quaking in his
sweaty mits! He immediately referred to my letter and the criticism of
him as a judge, and much to the water waster’s consternation, the first
half of the sitting consisted of judgie making answer to me for the
position he is in, and no, it’s not always a fair system, but he is only
doing his job as the law dictates! Catch that word did you? Dictate,
that’s what they do, dictate…think about it.
Still, the judge and I had already established that the law was out of
order and I was beginning to warm to this bloke.
Meanwhile sewer rat was obviously pissed off as he did his best to
keep up the officially intimidating stance, as they do. He didn’t
succeed, especially as I had trouble keeping the smirk off my face
every time I looked at him. No, the poor lost soul was destined to go
steadily downhill from there on as we moved onto the reason for us all
being there- my whopping great debt of sixty quid, of which you will
recall, only thirty was the original figure.
I was asked if ten pounds per week was an acceptable amount to clear
“Well, I’m not actually sure I want to pay it,” said I, especially
considering one hell of a cock up had been made by these plebeians at
Scalby, where they had quite literally flushed millions of the
customer’s money down the drain on a sewage scheme that no one
wanted and which caused horrible illnesses among the locals from the
ghastly chemicals they used, and that’s without mentioning the horrific
chemical stink they were forced to live with! There had been public
outcry about this matter, but did Yorkshire Water listen? Did they hell
as like. They went right ahead and did exactly as they pleased,
regardless of public opinion or consequence, just like many other
corrupt corporations do!
There was no stopping me now.
I gave the water waster the evil eye as I said off the top of my head,
“There are a LOT OF VERY ANGRY PEOPLE out there who are
demanding the heads of the chairman and his board of directors, for
having proved themselves to be totally incompetent and therefore
unworthy to manage, or should I say mismanage, the public’s money
that is paid to take care of the water which is life!”
His face was a picture to behold, and I mean, he wasn’t to know that I
was the majority doing the demanding, was he? But then, maybe, I’m
bigger than any mass could ever be, just by being me! Fish…that’s all
I’ve got to say about that is…FISH!
Anyway, I returned to judgie to ask for his opinion on this problem,
telling him plainly I wanted to rebel.
He told me that it wasn’t his place to promote rebellion but then
proceeded to advise me to get loads of local coverage, radio,
newspapers, that sort of thing. I was becoming quite fond of this
We began chatting about associated topics. I told him about some truly
wonderful people I was lucky enough to know, The Sons of Neptune,
a group of professional nice guys who did silly things like parade
through busy high streets, dressed in mourning garb, carrying coffins,
to highlight the murder that is and shall continue to go on through the
sea being polluted with raw sewage.
It turned out he knew one of them, my pal, the lawyer. But apparently
the lawyer didn’t yet know the judge was a judge. I gave him my
wickedest grin and said, “No.? Well, he soon will!”
Our social intercourse was brought to a close, mostly because the
sewer rat was looking decidedly peeved. So an agreement had to be
reached. Judgie advised me that my best policy would be to pay up,
because if I didn’t the only thing that I would achieve, would be me
amassing more and more court costs. So it was sort of agreed that I
would pay ten pounds per week, but, I made it clear that although I
was saying I would keep to this plan, I wasn’t promising anything.
And as it turned out, I made one payment and then promptly lost my
paying in book!
It must have been when I sent it to Paul Foot, of daily Mirror fame, as
part of my documented proof of case. Good old Paul informed the
nation what a pack of useless money grabbing plebs are in charge of
Yorkshire Water, but meanwhile, oh dearie me, I appeared to have lost
my paying in book… what a tragedy!… and then promptly forgot all
Anyway, it came to pass that The Top Dog, that is darling hubby,
decided it was time to forget about all the bills and spend the money,
which isn’t a lot, even though he does work his bollocks off, on a few
days camping. Have a rest sort of thing, and what a rest it was, I tell
you! Carting a massive rucksack each, a tent, our little love bug…or
spoilt brat depending on the mood of the moment, his pushchair and
one of our two woof machines, a huge fat blob of a collie, who hates
buses would you believe, on and off buses all over Northumberland!
Beautiful place, wonderful friendly people…but relaxing? Never!
We got home completely knackered to discover, that not only had the
two teenage monsters, that is my two kids from a previous marriage to
Peter the Fisher Of Men, had had a gathering…That’s a
wild party in our speak, which is another story completely. But, our
wonderful water authority had dropped us a pleasant little ditty,
informing us that unless we paid fifty smackeroos, by the next day by
now, then we could fully expect the bailiffs to pay us a visit to recover
that amount in our goods. Or, if that failed they were legally within
their rights to disconnect our water supply…Can you believe that? Do
you understand the sinister undertones of that statement?
It means they have been granted legal licence to murder poor people!
Could it be that they have a conspiracy, you know, a dirty deal, going
with the Magog Hag who’s finally figured out this long term answer to
the unemployment problem?
Like, I’ll sell you the water industry, which the thick suckers paid to
install in the first place with their taxes, and you lot can get good and
fat and filthy rich on all the profits you’re gonna cream. Then you push
the costs up and up until they are out of reach of those working class
commoners. Then you cut their life line. They snuff it because I’ve
already made sure the rivers and streams are poisoned, so they won’t
be able to resort to those. Then hey presto, no more unemployment!
In fact, a lot less of those nasty, vulgar, tedious commoners who keep
threatening our glorious powerful positions with their constant wails of
injustice! So, if you’ll scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours and together
we’ll solve this problem all legal and above board!
But yeah, anyway, back to our tale of woe.
The bailiff came. Quite a small chap he was, and reasonable too. I
asked him if he had anything to do with Yorkshire Water?
“No,” said he.
“Aren’t you the lucky one?” said I. He agreed.
And to cut a long story short, he accepted a fiver a week off my
massive debt and offered to call round every week to collect fivers
until the debt was cleared.
I wonder how much that cost them? But it’s not for me to question the
wisdom of their ways. LIKE HELL IT IS!!! A sea polluted with
meningitis, hepatitis, gastritis, even the aids virus, without mentioning
the rest, I’m not questioning. I’m condemning!
And I’m allowed to condemn because God Almighty said so!
Yes, Led Zeppelin, she’s bought and she’s definitely bringing.
I’ve got a stairway direct to heaven, but have they? I don’t think so!
You see, it’s like this. When you pop your little old clogs and shuffle
off this mortal coil as it were, it’s a similar action to the water cycle.
Actually it’s nothing like the water cycle, because water isn’t wrapped
in anything like we are, it just is. But you’ll get the drift when you look
at the humble raindrop. It comes down from the sky and meets up
with other raindrops. Collectively they form streams, rivers, lakes, seas
and oceans, and this is the bit I’m searching for, the collectively bit.
Because quite apart from the feeding and nourishing they do along the
way, keeping the whole of everything alive and living, that humble
raindrop comes together with the rest eventually. And that is what
happens to you when you draw your terminal breath and snuff it. Your
spirit becomes one with the rest, and, this is where you worry folks,
this is where you’re gonna wish you hadn’t robbed people blind, selling
something that God gives freely. Because as soon as you evaporate as
it were, your every earthly thought, your every earthly action is, you
might say, laid open for all above you to witness. Nothing, absolutely
nothing is hidden. No vision, but you see. No sound, but you hear. It’s
a bit like thought, you don’t see it, you don’t hear it, but it’s there! And
I’ve lost myself with all this wandering, but what I’m trying to point out
is the fact that you good people are paying over your hard earned
money to dead people! It’s the end of the age and all those who abuse
God’s trust for their own personal selfish ends ‘aint coming back, at
least not unless they see the light and put back all they’ve taken out.
Until then, they are walking, talking dead people.
Life goes round and around. It’s a circle. The body ages and dies but
the soul lives on and ascends to God. Then, dependant upon your
actions on earth, either you are free to map out your own future
incarnation or you’re not.
For example, why do you suppose turkey is the traditional Christmas
dinner these days? It’s no accident. It’s because that is where all your
power hungry, corrupt politicians are heading, gabble, gabble…dead
The Jews are wrong about pork. They weren’t once upon a time. Once
upon a time their seers took good care of them, because those Godly
people knew how dodgy pork is without refrigeration, it’s a killer. So
God warned them off via the prophets. But He is warning them no
more, because we have got hi-tech now where meat can be stored
safely. So used under these hi-tech measures and the pigs allowed to
grow naturally, pork is no longer a danger. In fact it’s pretty damn
tasty. Plus our naughty boys in blue have been aptly named by their
adoring public, so do the right thing all you perverted bum inspectors
out there. Yes, folks, what an eye opener eh? Your tax money being
spent to give these debauched twats paid legal access to live out their
sick fantasies on your bums, and, let’s face facts, it could be you next
time. Anyone coming through customs these days is a possible target!
But, talking about foreign affairs, we come to the Mad Ass Moron of
the Middle East- old Saddam, the mad man. David Icke once said he
was dead, and he wasn’t wrong. That man is as dead as the do-do,
extinct, eternal dead meat. God said the songsters of the middle heaven
are to eat of the flesh of Kings, and this sad man who thinks he’s a
King, is soon to become a big, fat, funky chicken just for starters.
Imagine it, an eternity of being incarnated to be dished up with mint
sauce, apple sauce, stuffing and all the other delights, all to be endured
with the awareness of a human, while the rest of us get bombed in his
eternal palaces! Doesn’t bear thinking about, really, does it? But whose
fault is that Mad Man? And I wouldn’t like to be in Bush’s socks
either! Or the old Magog Hag’s, because I get first go at planning her
future incarnation! That’s how it works see, each and every life that an
individual’s actions cause harm to, that life owns the same portion of
the soul of the inflictor…so that’s her, well fucked, isn’t it? Her works
have caused misery to the vast proportion of the planet!
Run in with the water board nincompoops. Round Two. Summer
After the last episode concerning our ever efficient friends in the water
industry, I began to busy myself collecting associated news paper
I also joined a local action group that had been set up to put pressure
on these people regarding the raw sewage they pumped directly into
the sea. Yawn! There was an awful lot of talk and very little action, I
soon became bored and decided to branch out and do my own thing.
One of Saladin’s friends created for me, on his college computer, a
poster like picture of the Christian cross, set in the sea, covered in all
sorts of fetid filth that gets pumped out into the sea along with the raw
sewage, toilet paper, sanitary towels, blah, only to be washed up later
with the incoming tide. He headed the poster, Trying To Get The
Message A-Cross! I mounted this at the centre of a huge piece of
cardboard, then began to add news clippings with headlines such as,
Sons of Neptune Claim Raw Sewage Could Lead to Super Bugs… Not
Good Enough for Bestselling Beach Guide… Awash With Dosh… £6
Million Sewage Scheme Slammed… Anger at Revelations of Outfall
Chemicals… Dirty Business… If You Saw What Was Dumped in the
Sea You Would Never Go Near it Again… And so on and so forth. I
added around the information that accompanied the many headlines,
statement cuttings I found apt like… Darkroom delights, can you
survive?… Health choice you don’t want. Six different clippings linked
together issued the warning… How to avoid aids-stay out of
Yorkshire’s water. And so I went on. I even added jokes… ‘Do not
drop litter. Use the ocean provided!’ I built up my collection until I had
some thirty exhibits of condemnation. It was time for a public showing.
Meanwhile, The Top Dog had formed a band, Turn, with his cousin
and a couple who are friends of ours. They gigged locally for various
charities and had built up quite a following. I began taking my
exhibition of condemnation along for the fans to peruse, while making
sure there were plenty of leaflets containing the addresses of the people
to whom complaints should be directed.
Then the couple in the band was blessed with my Godson and the
So I stopped paying my water bill!
The court summons duly arrived, but this time round I was well
For my defence I wrote a letter to the court.
Dear Sir or Madam,
In defence to the reasoning behind my with-holding payments to
Yorkshire Water Services:
I wish to draw your attention to the fact that despite half yearly profits
of £72 million, Yorkshire Water has still increased charges by more
than 6% since April, somewhat more than the rate of inflation, which
follows last years 7% increase! And yet the Chairman and his board of
directors STILL willfully and systematically refuse to install full
sewage treatment plants, hence the sea continues to be polluted with
such nasties as meningitis, hepatitis, gastritis, and even the aids virus!
I find It totally extraordinary, not to mention abhorrent, that
supposedly intelligent people can complacently sit back and allow these
vile pollutions to continue when it’s common knowledge that the whole
world is in a dire state of crisis! Just how does ‘Sir?’ Chairman justify
his £2,750 per week salary while the earth dies screaming? Has the
man no shame?
They arrogantly disregard such evidence as given to the commons
environmental committee by Mr Pat Gowan, a former marine biologist
at the University of East Anglia, which suggests that the aids virus can
survive for more than 24 hours in sea water. He called for an
immediate ban on raw sewage disposal at sea. The committee
chairman, Sir Hugh Rossi, said Mr Gowan’s claims would be fully
investigated and a formal response sought from the government health
experts. Mr Gowan said research by Dr John Slade, chief virologist for
Thames Water had shown that the HIV virus lives for 2.8 days in
settled sewage and is active in seawater for 1.6 days. The head of the
London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, Prof Arie
Zuckerman, had discovered that in swimming pools the virus could be
destroyed by chlorination, but this was not viable for disinfection of
sea outfalls because it was fatal to the marine environment. But, Mr
Gowan, Norfolk Friends of the Earth North Sea Action Group co-
ordinator, said all his attempts to persuade the government to research
the problem had failed! But with the escalation of aids in the
community sea disposal of untreated sewage must be seen as a highly
dangerous practice that MUST be terminated!
And this information came to light on 15-03-90! So what has been
done about it? Not a lot!
These people that put profit before the welfare of the earth and its
peoples are repugnant. They are the scum of the earth. Especially as
they act in full knowledge of the situation, yet still insist on putting
private profit above all else!
They heartlessly disconnect 100 families per week from the water
which is life. It’s worse than Victorian times. At least then there were
public pumps, washrooms and baths where people could get clean
water. But do these ‘caretakers?’ of God’s water care? If they did, it
wouldn’t be happening. They are merciless in their pursuit of profit.
They crucify low income families without a second thought! May they
burn in the eternal pits of hell fire for their crimes…and I can assure
you they will, because the damage their greed has caused to the
creation that God loves, is, I would say, incalculable!
I may owe them a said amount of money, but how much do they owe
me and the rest of the world for the gross neglect of the responsibility
they bear towards the care of the water system and the environment in
They are in effect, murdering our planet for profit!
P.S. I would happily pay the amount being asked if I could be sure it
was going towards healing the earth, as opposed to lining a few fat
cats’ filthy pockets.
For that particular court appearance I’d hired a nearby hall, where I’d
set up my exhibition of condemnation, for the country’s press, who I’d
invited along to witness my ‘shame.’
The press turned up in droves. Both, the BBC and ITV film crews,
appeared to interview me. At least three of the local radio stations
turned up and I lost count of the amount of journos who swamped me,
but I was plastered all over a lot of papers the next day and on the
telly. And almost all of those media people encouraged me to ‘Go, girl,
go’, keep up the pressure! Yeah, Yorkshire Water is really loved in
But I hadn’t finished yet.
I received a final notice from Yorkshire Water for £20.12, I decided to
make an issue out of it and wrote personally to the knighted ‘Sir?’ who
was the chairman.
If you would care to look around at the CRITICAL state of the world
today, you will come to understand that we are living at the end of the
age, as is written in the Bible. And I can assure you, there are plenty of
theologians out there who will bear me out on this point, as well as
innumerable saintly songsters (listen to the tape) who have been and
indeed are, operating on a subconscious spiritual level.
So, people like yourself and your directors who put private profit
above the welfare of the earth and its peoples, are going down the
wrong path. And we all know what happens to those who go down the
wrong path at the end of the age, don’t we? The old eternal pits of
And if you think I’m a joker perhaps you ought to check it out. Let’s
face facts. Things can’t get much worse. What with the ozone situation
worsening as I write, this world is teetering on burn out. And that is
without mentioning the heinous pollutions that your people willfully
allow to continue while you wallow in the rewards of your crimes
against God! Maybe it’s time you began thinking about making amends
before you go to meet your maker? We all die eventually, and quite
frankly, I would hate to be in your shoes. You ought to be a VERY
worried person. If you don’t believe me, then maybe you ought to
begin reading the scriptures to discover exactly what God thinks of you
and your kind.
Also, I’ve received a final warning from your people for the amount of
£20.12. As it is impossible for us to settle this amount in full on a
fortnightly income of £160 for three of us, with out goings of £20
electric, £4 rent, and £5 per week to you people before thinking about
anything else, I would appreciate the whole thing being broken down
into fortnightly payments. I shall leave this problem in your incapable
hands, because, quite frankly, it doesn’t really matter to me.
P.S. Find enclosed music.
Queen. The Prophet’s Song.
Queen. Death on Two Legs.
New Age Steppers. Some Love Brings Me Down, Down, Down.
P.P.S. I was born in Dracula country, therefore anyone who
hurts me or mine- I go straight for the metaphorical jugular!
I received a reply shortly afterwards informing me that ‘Sir?’ was no
longer the chairman of Yorkshire Water Services.
And that Dear Diary is the end of round two. Round three is yet to be
fought, but I tell you this, it will be really revolting.
During my war on water, I attempted to put this across to the
camera’s. It wasn’t broadcast.
If you would care to look around at the critical state of the world
today, you will come to discover that we are living at the end of the
age as is written in The Bible.
But what I’m attempting to put across is the fact that these people who
put private, personal profit above the welfare of the world and its
peoples are going down the wrong path. And we all know what
happens to those that go down the wrong path at the end of the age!!
So we are in effect, allowing spiritually dead people to ride rough shod
over something as precious as the water which is life, for little more
than their own personal profit!
Interestingly my number in numerology=999
Check it out in The Devil And All His Works by Dennis Wheatley.
Also check out City Of Revelations by John Mitchell which suggests
that the second coming of Christ and the beast could be one and the
Revelations Ch 15 v 2.
And I saw as it were a glassy sea mingled with fire; and them that
came victorious from the beast and from the number of his name,
standing by the glassy sea, having harps of God.
1 = A I Q J Y
2 = B K R
3 = C G L S
4 = D M T
5 = E H N X
6 =U V W
7 = O Z
8 = F P
My first name Irene = 1+2+5+5+5 = 1+8= 9
My character name Constantine Payne =
3+7+5+3+4+1+5+4+1+5+5+8+1+1+5+5= 6+3= 9
My surname Boyce =2+7+1+3+5=1+8= 9
Now try Jesus…1+5+3+6+3 = 1+8 = 9
Christ…3+5+2+1+3+4 = 1+8 = 9
6+6+6 = 1+8 = 9
And you know what they say, one man’s saviour is another man’s
devil, just depends which side you belong to.
But the wicked ones have sold their eternal souls to the devil ;-))) Mwwhahaha. It is written!
God sure does work in mysterious ways. Mwwwhahaha.