‘Time To Wake Up’.
Crazy Knowledge by Dreadzone.
McGivitup was back from his travels, so where else would I be but the waiting room of the surgery!
A fair bit had happened during his absence and I was all of a blather, anticipating a bollocking!
My name was called and I made my way to his consulting room. On entering I noted that he looked worn out and drawn. I couldn’t work out whether he was just totally knackered or troubled in some way.
“Did you have a good trip?” I asked, hopeful of being enlightened to his state of mind.
He eyed me wearily. “I’d rather not talk about it if you don’t mind.”
“Ah, the old jet lag kicking in is it?” I grinned at him, attempting to lighten him up for my news, while accepting that he’d open up when he was ready.
“Something like that.” He sighed, appearing deeply troubled. He was starting to worry me. “So what can I do for you?” He asked distractedly.
I sat back folding my arms and got down to the business at hand while preparing myself for the onslaught I was sure would follow. “I’ll come straight to the point doc, I’ve stopped taking the Indoramin.” I issued a sigh of relief now that was out in the open.
He bowed his head, rubbing his forehead and his temples with his hand, trying not to look pissed off with his difficult patient. “Why this time might I ask?” He looked at me as if I’d presented him with a problem he could well do without.
“Well,” I blundered, “I know I was only taking them for a short while, but my heart started doing the weirdest things. Every time I laid down to sleep it felt as if it was doing aerobics and beating all erratic like…it got so I was being kept awake just waiting for the next rumble, hoping it wasn’t going to be the last!” I was gesticulating wildly to stress my point, “and then there was the confusion, I tell you doc…I’m daft enough without your mind altering drugs tipping me over the edge!” He looked mildly irritated at my choice of words. I blustered on regardless, keen that he should comprehend my reasoning. “I mean, one day I stood for an hour happily lining cake tins with grease proof paper, in preparation for baking the many cakes I make for family and friends at Christmas. I try to get them all baked and put in the freezer, then in the run up to Christmas I only have them to decorate. Only it wasn’t until I’d finished that I realised I’d given them the full double sided and bottom lining that is required for fruit cakes, when all I needed was a single bottom lining for sponge cakes! Oh boy was I pissed off!”
I spied a glimmer of amusement cross his face.
I continued with my epic of disasters. “Then another time I went to meet The Top Dog from work…which as you know, I do every day. Only this time, instead of turning left at the end of the snicket as usual, I turned right onto the dog walking route… I walked a mile and a bleedin’ half before I realised I was going in the wrong direction!”
The doc laughed out loud. I’d managed to cheer him up. I looked at him squarely, my eyes twinkling, “and I could go on because it was an eventful few days before I clicked it was the pills sending me ga-ga!”
McGivitup was beginning to relaxe a little, but he still looked tired and drawn.
I grinned at him broadly, “but I’ve been doing my homework,” I said as I extracted two large books out of my bag, “I come armed and dangerous.”
He sat up and lent in with interest as I leafed through the books in order to show him the passages that were revelent to my condition and how it can be controlled by alternative remedies.
“Since I stopped taking the Indoramin, I’ve been following this regime,” I informed him, as he snatched the books off me and began flicking through the pages, “two sticks of celery, three raw cloves of garlic, walnuts, lots of fruit and vegetables…but I did that anyway, plus supplement capsules of hawthorn, Co enzym Q 10, grapeseed extract and omega three daily.” I beamed at him, feeling quite proud of my efforts.
McGivitup meanwhile was still studying one of my books, he was consumed, reading one passage, then flicking through and concentrating on another. Finally he snapped it shut and raised his head looking at me angrily, “anyone who claims that these alternatives will lower blood pressure without the aid of coventional medicines needs suing! If you carry on with this regime without the aid of conventional drugs, then have a heart attack or a stroke it’ll be their fault! They will need suing!” He didn’t even pause for breath as he searched for the credits, “just who is responsible for advocating this nonsense?” He broke from his search to look me irately in the eye, “because that’s what it is, nonsense! I won’t suggest that these remedies don’t help the condition, every little sensible change helps…but to suggest that you can throw away your blood pressure tablets is tantamount to handing out a death sentence…whoever it is needs suing!”
I was feeling as if I was on the receiving end of a pent up anger that had little or nothing to do with me, as he returned to his scrutinising. Suddenly he was triumphant. “There you go…ah, yes…Doctor McGivitup.”
I could hardly keep a straight face…I had no idea that the advocate of my new natural approach, carried the same name as my conventional doctor.
Meanwhile McGivitup rumbled on, “if you continue with this madness and it all goes horribly wrong, as I predict it will…sue him!”
He calmed down a little as I battled to maintain my compossure and not show the slightest hint of the giggles I was battling to suppress…which was bloody hard work I might add.
“When did you stop taking the Indoramin?” He demanded angrily.
“About a week ago,” I lied…why did I lie? I don’t know, it just came out! I think it was because he was so full of ire at the time that I didn’t want to infuriate him further by admitting the truth.
“Okay, let’s take your blood pressure.” He said as he moved in to wrap the pressure band around my upper left arm.
He pushed the button and we sat in silence as the machine did its business.
I swear he tried to keep his face neuteral and not look defeated as he reported, “well your blood pressure is significantly lower than I would have expected it to be. In fact, it’s normal.”
He quickly regained his temporary lapse into disbelief and stated confidently, “but it’ll be the Indoramin still in your system, it has only been a week after all. It’s only a matter of time before it creeps up again.”
Bugger, bollocks, brain storming barnacles! Why did I have to fib? Why couldn’t I admit it was over three weeks since I’d stopped taking them… fairly soon after he had left for Africa in fact! And he hadn’t taken into account the fact that alcohol was no longer a part of the equation…but to be fair, I hadn’t told him. He probably thought I’d stopped taking his bloody drugs so that I could hit the bottle again! Anyway, I ended up walking out of that surgery with yet another prescription for yet another pharmaceutical drug, with his threat to strike me off if I didn’t follow his advice to the letter still ringing in my ears as I made my way home. I sincerely hoped his mood would be improved when we went for our next bike ride, which he’d booked for three days hense.
And although he hadn’t said anything to me, I later discovered, from his wife, that his mood had been due to the fact that they had witnessed and attempted to repair absolutely horrifying injuries that human had inflicted upon human while they had been away. It grieved him badly that mankind could consume itself with such cruel acts of wickedness against its own fellow men, women and children. So who could blame him for being angry? Certainly not me. It was just such horrors that had caused me endless gut wrenching heartache each and every countless time I failed in my quest, leaving me totally and absolutely bereft because I knew I had what it took to stop this mindless greed orientated slaughter that was spreading over the planet like wildfire as one blood thirsty, power hungry, gluttonous, sick psychopath after another declared war on his fellow men.
Still, I was about to give the doc a renewed sense of hope in the future, only I needed to do some preparation first, it was time to get busy.
McGivitup had managed to free up a full day to himself. Probably designed to help oust the recent abominations he had witnessed from his memory, or at least bury them beneath something good. He’d asked if a long haul bike ride was okay with me? It couldn’t have worked out better had I planned it myself. It was going to be the final episode of my revelations, only it was going to take time, and now we had it.
We met at the cricket field at nine a.m., and although we were now into November, the weather was un-naturally mild. But we had taken extra clothing along with our packed lunches, just in case.
“So do you fancy a ride to Paradise?” I asked him, from my bike that now sported two mini speakers hanging from each end of my handle bars and a walkman strapped to the middle.
“If only.” He sighed, noting the addition to my riding kit but making no comment, obviously still depressed from the living nightmare he had recently departed from. He looked more tired and drawn than he had done when I last saw him, he obviously hadn’t been sleeping well since his return from Africa.
Paradise was about an hour and a halfs hard riding away, but it was aptly named, the unadulterated beauty, wildness and remoteness of the place made it a wilderness that healed the soul. I also thought it was an apt location for my final therapy session. I knew we would both emerge from it different people.
We peddled in silence along the disused railway track until we reached the road that crossed through it. We turned left onto the road and then right at the junction. About a mile along the single lane country road we came to a farm on the left. I signalled to McGivitup that we were turning off. The farm had a very well maintained tractor track going through it and out the other side, wending its way into beautiful autumnal woodland. We followed the track down a very steep hill, lined on both sides by dense woodland, half way up the hill on the other side, there was a stile leading into the woods.
“This is where we get off and push.” I said to the doc.
He was looking around in wide eyed wonder.
“Constantine, this place is enchanting, however did you know it was here? It’s not sign-posted.”
I grinned as I heaved my bike over the stile. “Oh, I ‘ve been known to be taken with an adventurous wanderlust in my time…there’s not a lot of this valley that I’ve not explored.”
He hoisted his bike over the stile.
I turned to him and whispered, “if we go very quietly down this path, we may be lucky enough to see some wildlife.”
We walked as softly as we could down the narrow woodland path, going deeper and deeper into the valley within a valley. Our stealth was rewarded, first by spotting a pair of squirrels frolicking in a tree, then a fox crossed the path a few yards in front of us, scuttling away swiftly when he sensed our presence, leaving a musky, pungent odour in his wake. Stoats, voles and wood mice scurried across our path several times, as if oblivious to our proximity. Then, as we approached the stream at the bottom of the gully, a deer was taking a drink. I stood on a twig and as it snapped the startled deer bolted for the shelter of the dense woodland. The bolting deer triggered a family of herons, which we hadn’t previously noticed, to take flight. It was awesome heartwarming stuff.
“So much beauty, yet so much pain.” The doc sighed wistfully, as he breathed in the calmness of our surroundings, the tinkling water running down the pebble and rock strewn brook, like Gods own music to our ears, birds calling each other, adding to the symphony of mother natures healing rhythms.
We stopped for a while, on an old fashioned bridge that crossed the stream, leaning over to watch the babbling brook flow below us, each lost in our own contemplative silence.
“You wouldn’t believe the horrifying cruelty that is going on as we speak, just an aeroplane flight away.” McGivitup finally said, his face etched with pain. “Here we are in this beautiful peaceful oasis, while on the other side of the world men, women and children are dying in their thousands, ravaged by aids. Families torn apart by the sickening disease. Tiny beautiful children and babies left orphaned in a cruel world with barely a soul to turn to.” He looked me in the eye, his face furrowed with grief. “Don’t get me wrong,” he continued, “there are some magnificent people out there who are doing their utmost to improve life for those who are cast adrift…mostly women I might add,” he stared into the middle distance, his face portraying the anguished wretchedness he was feeling, “but there aren’t enough of them. So many children are abandoned to fend for themselves, lost and alone in a world of savagery and brutality.” He looked me in the eye, his brimming with unshed tears. ” It’s heart breaking Constantine.”
I could feel tears of my own welling up as I shared his pain and the pain of all the suffering souls on earth. I had been in this place so many times before, weeping for the innocent victims of the unrelenting barbaric actions of greedy, power obsessed warlords, who run around waving their guns and machetes at will, sadistically and brutally leaving blood baths in their wake, while they kidnap innocent children and force them to become killers!
“The stories we heard and the resulting injuries we treated,” he continued as if he had read my mind, “of whole villages being massacred by marauding gangs of lawless thugs out to maim, murder, rob and rape…little girls barely out of babyhood raped, little boys sodomized…” I winced, “you wouldn’t believe the bestiality of those people…such repulsive wickedness it defies belief! It’s hard to believe there are so many evil people in the world.” The doc sighed wearily.
“Not for much longer.” I eyed him seriously.
He cast me a puzzled look.
“Time is about to be called on all the depraved, bestial, barbaric sons of Satan the world over!” I winked at him with eyes that felt as if they were exuding fire.
We moved on, over the other side of the bridge and followed the path up the other side, which was much steeper than our descent had been. Huffing and puffing we struggled our way up through the woods, shafts of light from the sun above filtered through the dense foliage…and although we were well into autumn, the mild weather and the lack of heavy winds kept the beautifully coloured leaves on the trees. There was a sprinkling at ground level that we crunched through, but not nearly as many as there ought to have been. We eventually emerged from the woods into a pretty little glade, where the grass was long and lush. Pushing our bikes was hard work but once through the glade we came to a firmer path in a field that skirted more woodland. And thus we carried on through more fields, skirting around the outer side of one that was full of beasts, until we reached the main road with taffic hurtling past from both directions. This was the only down side to our outing, we needed to travel this road for about half a mile until a path on the other side took us to Paradise. On reaching this path, we climbed a stile into a field, two fields and another stile later, there we were, in Paradise. McGivitup marvelled as we raced down a rough hewn track, deeper and deeper into the wilderness, all noise from the thundering traffic gone as if by magic, the only sound to be heard was the sporadic call of a curlew. We rode for about a mile, passing brooks, marshes, ponds, groves of trees, high land and low land. We stopped to catch our breath, the doc slowly turned three hundred and sixty degrees, absorbing the views.
“This is amazing,” he enthused, “not one sign of human habitation to be seen…not a road, not a building…nothing.”
“Why do you think it’s called Paradise?” I smiled.
I noticed a small waterfall a little way ahead of us, the surrounding bank of the stream into which it fell looked perfect for a picnic, a tiny utopia of soft bouncy grass, flanked with bushes. We headed for it, then laid our weary bodies down to rest for a while. It wasn’t long before I became fidgety, we had a lot to get through and I was eager to get started. However, the doc seemed to be disinclined to rouse from his state of meditation, so I made myself busy setting out the picnic and pouring us hot drinks from the flasks. The smell of the docs prefered coffee, which I wafted under his nose, had the desired effect of luring him out of his reverie.
Feeling replenished after sandwiches and drinks, McGivitup turned on the dictaphone and we were away, although he would need to renew the tape several times for this session.
“So, where were we?” The doc asked, as he searched his mind for the relevent information. “Ah yes,” he answered himself, “you’d ended the relationship with Isaac…so what happened next?”
“Well like I said, we were still pals…but a distance had been established. And at that point in time I was extremely busy what with our move into temporary accommodation and the of baking of and then icing two wedding cakes. It seemed as if everything happened at once, Gilbert and Maggie’s wedding, the big move. And then no sooner were we established in our temporary home than along came the two children who were to be in my care for several weeks while their folk singing parents toured America. Life was hectic keeping four kids and what turned out to be a super sensitive dog occupied, especially as I’d somehow managed to allow myself to be ‘on call’ to my former boss at the big house…he was calling me fairly often. I was run ragged, but I was still managing to stay up half the night scribbling notes for my mission to save the world from the greedy, the murderous and the corrupt. The ideas were flowing thick and fast. I’d decided to incorporate my giving up smoking, which I’d tentatively attempted but not achieved. My thoughts had been increasingly focussing on my mother. She had, after being a heavy smoker for most of her life, given up. She would stress to me that if she could do it, anyone could. I instinctively felt that she had achieved this fete on an unconscious spiritual level, as a means of guiding me on this arduous path that would be mine to follow. I just ‘knew’ that her kicking the habit had been preordained in spirit for my benefit. So, I intended using her selfless gift to me as a way of encouraging all the kids who have, for whatever reason, become reliant on drink or drugs as a means of forgetting…kind of, come on kids we’re going to build a new world, a world that includes you, a world that needs you, a real justified world where those that are wrecking our mother earth and your lives for profit are brought to book. So come on folks, join me in freeing yourself from your addiction and then use the inevitable anger the giving up process ensues, constructively, by shouting it to those who run our world, loudly, that enough is enough, demand that the mess is cleaned up and insist that the system is gone through with a fine tooth comb until every last unfairness has been ousted. Save what’s worth saving and damn the rest. Demand that every last penny of public money is accounted for and justly distributed for the good of all, not just the nameless, faceless, feckless, thieving bureaucrats who line their own pockets at the expense of us all.” I calmed my arms that had developed a flailing life of their own to accompany my rant and smiled. “But, they were halcyon days back then, we were all living on the edge of poverty… except for Isaac who was raking it in. But we had rooves over our heads, clothes on our backs, food in our bellies and most importantly, we were happy, joyful even…who could have asked for more?” I beseeched him. “And it was at that point I found myself becoming increasingly excited…I just ‘knew’ instinctively that my man was close. As I travelled through all the mundane tasks that were mine to perform I would be in a world of my own, day dreaming, imagining what he would be like. I already ‘knew’ he would play a mean guitar. Gilbert always accused me of being a dreamer,” I raised my eyebrows scornfully, “of not living in the real world. Won’t he just want to eat his words when he sees where it’s got me?” I nodded meaningfully at McGivitup. “Still, as for my man, I was sure he would be as strong, if not stronger than me…” I glanced at the doc, “by that point in my life, I realised I was quite a formidable power to be reckoned with, I have no fear of standing up for what I believed in, I refuse to be bullied into submission.”
“I think I’ve already worked that one out for myself!” The doc stated ruefully.
“But,” I continued, “it was during that climate that I called to visit Gilbert and Maggie to catch up on how the kids were doing at their end. I entered the scene to be met by the many familiar faces who were crammed into their small living room.” I smiled at the doc as my eyes lit up, “only one of the faces wasn’t familiar. It was familiar-ish. He looked just like Mr Prefect. Not quite as tall as Mr. Prefect and not as bulky. He had the sort of physique I found extremely attractive in a man, positively cuddly. And where as Mr Prefect was completely bald, this man was bald on top but had enough hair round the edges to form a pig tail. He was absolutely gorgeous. Gilbert introduced us, stressing that I was his ex-wife. The man leapt up grinning from ear to ear with eyes twinkling mischievously as he took my hand and kissed my cheek saying, ‘it’s nice to meet you Constantine…Gilbert’s ex-wife.’ After that my path frequently crossed with this superb specimen of flirtatious manhood. We kept bumping into each other, we seemed to gravitate towards each other. We quickly discovered we had a whole lot in common, especially friends and acquaintances. He knew and had hung out with most of the people I’d been close to throughout my life, I was amazed we’d never met before. And he was Mr Prefect’s cousin. It wasn’t long before he began visiting me at the portakabin. He was impressed when he found Hawkwind among my music collection, he’s a huge fan of theirs, as am I. And astonishingly, he already knew the kids. They had gone to Glastonbury festival a few years before with Gilbert and Maggie, he had been among the crowd that had gone along with them. Events were beginning to look as if they were fated and I was building to such a state of euphoria you just wouldn’t believe. I observed that he was kind hearted, friendly and helpful to all, even strangers. He was witty, articulate and intelligent. Well read and on my wavelength as regarded world affairs, he had a vast knowledge of world history. And we both had a deep and abiding love of music, he being a player of the guitar! Then when it was just a matter of days before Christmas when our house was ready to move back into. The Top Dog, as I began to think of him, was a wonder to behold, as all the furniture, crates full of books, the bulk of my tapes, albums and the masses of other stuff that had been put into storage descended, he made himself useful laying carpets, hanging curtains, arranging and assembling furnishings, unloading crates and taking over in the kitchen department, showing off his cooking skills, which are the best…” I grinned at the doc and pretended thoughtful, “although in those days I seem to recall he cleared up after himself!”
“Does he not do that anymore then?” The doc picked up on my tease.
“Your joking! He’s used to having a retinue of washers up picking up after him these days…it tends to accidentally on purpose slip his mind that they’re not on call when he’s at home! I often say to him, ‘why use ten pans when you can use one?”
The doc laughed.
“But yeah, he was just like the men from my own family, he just did what needed to be done without discrimination. There was none of the mans work, woman’s work nonsense with him.. He was a wonder to behold, he just got on with the jobs to hand and as we worked together the sparks were beginning to fly and not only in the romantic department…it was beginning to dawn on me that this God thing, this destined journey I was convinced I’d been travelling for so long, wasn’t a dream, it wasn’t just a figment of my over active imagination, it was for real! This was my man and the vision I’d had, had indeed been prophetical. God had been directing my life…He had been giving me glimpses into my own future…I wasn’t off my rocker after all, it wasn’t me just fantasy dreaming…it was for real! It was pure unadulterated magic direct from God!” I was gesticulating wildly, attempting to express the sheer awesome wonderment of these facts that made up my life. “I couldn’t believe the outrageous brilliance of it all, I was flying high, soaring the heavens. And The Top Dog never did live anywhere but our house after that! He slept on the couch initially…but then, once all the unpacking was out of the way, all of the reassembling done, we had a house warming party…the rum flowed and I’ve already told you what rum does to me! Although it didn’t do it immediately. It was that minx next door who lead The Top Dog to my bed, so it wasn’t until the following morning that…” I fired the doc a saucy grin, “I leapt on him like a dog on a bone!” I gesticulated to the doc pure passion, “and I need to tell you doc…our coming together was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. It was exquisite, two souls exploding into one, love making of the highest order…I couldn’t get enough of him…”
“I think that’s too much information Constantine.” The doc smiled at me.
“Oh but doc, for a few short months life was intensely, blissfully, passionately, euphoric. I was in rapture, intoxicated with the sheer magical beauty that God in His heaven had bestowed upon me…and, The Top Dog proved to be everything I’d dreamed him to be. He played a mean guitar just like all my visualisations told me he would, as did his best friend, who entered the scene almost immediately, quickly becoming a semi-permanent fixture. His best friends brother also became a regular visitor. What with all three being exceptionally gifted musicians, the two brothers having the voices of angels, when they performed, which was often, I knew I had been transported directly to heaven. What more could a person ask for…a handsome, self possessed, well read, intelligent, calm, cool and collected man…or at least he was until our kids grew up and started answering back! All my preconceived conjecturing hadn’t been a figment of wild imaginings, I had tapped into my own future. It was awesomely stupendous, I could barely believe the wonderment of it all. But I was in bliss, I’d been reunited with my other half.” I giggled, “although it wasn’t until later that I discovered when God handed out the financial acumen to our separate halves, I got the lot, The Top Dog got little! And when He handed out the gift of organisation and keeping on top of mundane tasks, I got the lions share and The Top Dog buggered off to work in a pub!”
The doc was grinning at my tease as I pointed at him sagely, “but… suddenly with his coming, I found myself to have an end to my story. All the loose ends had been miraculously drawn together. All I had to do was work towards turning these events into a world saving situation comedy then the whole thing would be stitched up. I pictured a future end to my comedy whereby I would mislead the audience into thinking I would end up marrying Isaac, when in fact, Isaac ‘would’ marry me, as in, being a sea captain, he would minister over mine and The Top Dogs marriage at sea. A future where the world had been freed from the greed ridden murderous despots, a world where the earth was healed of its man made sickness and everyone lived happily ever after.”
“So what went wrong, why did it last only a few months?” McGivitup interrupted with a puzzled frown.
“Hell entered heaven.” I stated flatly, gazing at the ground without actually seeing it. “Everything fell apart big time. Jealousy ran rampant. The e’strange’d crew took exception to my relationship with The Top Dog. The vitriol began to spew from Gilberts caustic mouth…” I shot the doc a wrathful look, my eyes blazing with long suppressed anger, “I tell you doc, that strutting, self-righteous, ignoramus of a man and his grabbing, grasping wife buried me alive!”
The doc was taken aback by my outburst. “Why, what happened?” He ventured.
“Well the gospel according to Gilbert suddenly became… The Top Dog was a no good scoundrel, only out for what he could get. He was a waster who didn’t know the meaning of work. He would sponge off me and bring me down because he was a drug addled no hoper!” I threw my arms in the air to stress the frustration I’d once felt. “And this from the man who had frequently indulged in every illegal substance conceivable!” I looked the doc in the eye. “I once flushed a bag full of amphetamines down the loo when I’d been married to him… it turned him into an even more insufferable bully than he already was. He went ballistic with me at the time. But suddenly there he was spouting this sanctimonious jaw dropping drivel, and the two faced hypocritical twat was putting The Top Dog down for allegedly doing something that was still, a frequent ongoing theme in his own life! I couldn’t believe the nerve of the man, although I should have, I’d witnessed him doing the same thing to others often enough! Then he started telling me that The Top Dog, who is a million times the man that Gilbert could ever hope to be, was as mad as a hatter and shouldn’t be given house room!”
“So did The Top Dog have a drug problem?” The doc asked.
“I didn’t ask. If he had it was in the past, I didn’t consider it to be any of my business but it was rumoured that was why he’d come back to the heart of his family, to sort himself out.”
“Is he local then?”
“No, he was a city boy…but his grandmother lived here, they’d visited as a family all his life. Then when his parents retired, they moved here permanently, as did Mr Prefect and his family.” The mention of Mr Prefect jogged another memory. “Yeah, that was another of Gilberts rants. He told me in no uncertain terms…in company and loudly…that I should not, ever, bear a child to this man! The whole family according to Gilbert were unhinged, wasn’t Mr Prefect a perfect example?!” I glanced at the doc with a wry smile. “Now Mr Prefect was indeed an out and out eccentric, he was wont to do things like go and collect his morning milk from the shop while still dressed in his jim-jams and slippers…even on occasion dressed in a nightie!” I giggled. “He just enjoyed shocking people and making them laugh. He was one of life’s clowns, never happier than when he was raising a smile…but unhinged…never! Still, the gospel according to Gilbert was that if I bore a child to this man it was bound to be genetically marred with the inherent derangement characteristic!” I looked McGivitup in the eye while slowly shaking my head. “I can’t believe that at the time of being subject to this vitriolic haranguing I just laughed it off and made jokes. I was on such a high that he just couldn’t touch me. I felt as if I were floating on air, wrapped in the knowledge that Gods invisible presence in our lives was so very, very real. It was so tangible I could almost reach out and touch it. The only cloud on my horizon was Gilberts endless stream of verbal diarrhoea…but even that went straight over my head. When a lady friend of The Top Dog, who was a visitor to both our respective homes, decided she was relocating to another part of the country, The Top Dog said he would accompany her as he had friends in the area who he knew would look out for her. I thought that was a really sweet thing to do. Gilbert on the other hand bombarded me with negatives. If I thought he was coming back, I could think again! He’d taken what he could get…now I wouldn’t see his back for dust. I was a bloody fool if I thought I could take that loser seriously! Blah, blah, blah. I remember giggling while I thought, ‘that’s all you know pal’. This was destiny illuminated for my eyes only…plus he didn’t know that there was also a Hawkwind gig in it for The Top Dog, if there was any major attraction for him, that was it. But, I tried to deal with Gilbert by attempting to explain what was going on in my world, how everything that was happening was of Gods design. How I had now been given the tools to make an impact on the world and change things for the better…all I had to do was finish writing it…but once again I was accused of being full of shit! I was pissing against the wind! And suddenly I found myself accused of being more interested in my writing than I was in the kids!” I threw my arms in the air as I beseeched the doc. “It was because of the kids I was doing it, I wanted, want, a safe and justified world for them to inherit not this war torn shit full of murderous robbers, rapists and greed ridden savages…but would the man listen? No he would not…but then, I’d just given him another weapon to use against me!”
“What do you mean use against you?” The doc quizzed.
“Well him and Maggie were trying for, not only a baby, but also council house as well, they were constantly bewailing the fact that they didn’t have enough points to get them anywhere near securing one, it just being the two of them. So they stepped up the pressure they’d already been placing on the kids, filling their heads full of nonsense as regarded The Top Dog and myself. I was beginning to find all the needless back stabbing not only hurtful but downright nasty. Meanwhile, because we had been inundated with bills from the stay in temporary, all electric, accommodation and a few debts The Top Dog had outstanding, I took a job at an old peoples care home doing a couple of night shifts a week. It did me no good at all. Not only was I already physically exhausted from all the recent upheavals, but I couldn’t adapt to sleeping through the day, I simply didn’t sleep at all for those two all nighters. Plus, lifting the infirm residents in and out of bed triggered an old injury of mine. As you know, I’ve long suffered, in bouts, from a hiatus hernia, an attack was building causing me tremendous pain. The stress I was being placed under by rent a gob didn’t exactly help! After years of him barely showing his face at my house, it being me who was expected to do all the running where the e’strange’d relationship was concerned…suddenly he was rarely off our doorstep making a big issue about checking up on ‘his’ children’s welfare. But I was still attempting to keep things light hearted, so every time I bumped into any of the company who had been present at Gilberts former rant, I would grip my side and declare the baby was kicking again…which generally caused laughter all round, because as ever, there were those who didn’t so much laugh with Gilbert as laughed at him. He wasn’t so much the joker, more the joke…but, metaphorically there was indeed a baby kicking!”
“What do you mean?” The doc appeared puzzled.
“Well, as the onslaught from Gilbert and by now Isaac as well, intensified, that pain in my side quickly escalated into a total and absolute collapse of health. It hit me like a sledge hammer. It was as if all my past traumas caught up with me in one fell swoop. I had the biggest hernia attack I’d ever had…I was bringing up blood.”
“I remember that,” the doc cut in, “I sent you for a barium meal to see what was going on.”
“Yes you did.”
“I recall The Top Dog accompanied you.”
“Yeah, because at the same time I kept periodically feeling my spirit remove from my body… it was well scary, every time it happened my dog would go mad, snarling and barking furiously at something just beyond my shoulder! I ‘knew’ I was close to death. It was a truly awful time. I felt as if the life had just drained out of me, I had absolutely no strength what-so-ever, I just wanted to lay down and sleep for a hundred years. My head became too heavy for my body, it was a real effort just holding it up. I remember being really bitterly cold all the time, completely chilled to the bone, but it was as if the cold was coming from the inside out, as opposed to from the outside in. And by that point I’d quit the care home job and was working part-time along side The Top Dog at a restaurant. I was hard put to simply function, it was like I was on automatic pilot. But I was determined to keep going and not give in to the illness, although I did concede to resting a lot whenever I got the chance. But throughout all this, I was still being bombarded by Gilbert’s venomous spleen, even though I told him and he could clearly see, I was ill. But then, Gilbert never was one for listening. He only did talking down, or more to the point shouting down. There was only one view point that ever mattered with him…it was his own! Then even Isaac jumped on the band wagon, taking every opportunity to have a go. We were round at his house one evening, a few of the leather clad angels were there when he ripped the shit out of me, dredging up my seedy past. I was mortified and felt utterly betrayed. And it’s a good job I’d already told The Top Dog about my past because he certainly found out about it that day! And I don’t know…” I looked at the doc frowning, “I find it difficult to put into words this chapter of my life, because although it spanned a couple of years, so much happened in such a short space of time that it sends me reeling just thinking about it. However, it was during that atmosphere that I felt the urge to turn to The Bible. So I took myself off to the bath, where I could subdue the chills and read in peace. Then I randomly opened it. This is what I was presented with.”
I rummaged in my backpack and extricated a notebook which I opened before looking the doc in the eye. I read.
“S John. Ch 12 v 47/48.
And if any man hear my sayings, and keep them not, I judge him not: for I came not to judge the world, but to save the world.
He that rejecteth me, and receiveth not my sayings, hath one that judgeth him: the word that I spake, the same shall judge him in the last days.
For I spake not from myself; but the Father which sent me, he hath given me a commandment, what I should speak. And I know that his commandment is life eternal: the things therefore which I speak, even as the Father hath said unto me, so I speak.”
I eyed the doc in earnest. “To say a shiver went down my spine is an understatement. Me who had long been on a mission to save the world. Me who had over the years actively prayed for God to give me the tools and the power to do just that, to randomly open the Bible and set my eyes on that passage…how strange was that?” I kept eye contact with him. “But that was only the beginning of it. I had snapped the book shut, not quite believing what I’d just read, then randomly opened it again.
Romans. Ch 8 v 3.
For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, condemned sin in the flesh.
What! This was getting seriously weird. Me, who had long ago accepted that my days of promiscuity had happened for some sort of divine reason to randomly open at that passage, what were the chances of that happening? And yeah, although I came to think of promiscuous sex as being cheap and tawdry and would advise against it, especially with aids, clamidia and other sexually transmitted diseases running rampant, I certainly wouldn’t condemn someone for doing it. The sins of the flesh I condemn are the ones where people get murdered, mutilated and ripped off by the powers that supposedly have our best interests at heart! Where those same powers sanction the earth being raped and pillaged for profit. They are the sins of the flesh that I condemn. Still, I recall I was shaking as I repeated the process.
Corinthians 11 Ch 5 v 21.
Him who knew no sin he made to be sin on our behalf; that we might become the righteousness of God in him.
I was blown away, it was as if the thing were talking to me. It was too much, I couldn’t handle the implications, it was too ridiculous for words. But then I kept thinking about my former visions…I was Gods chosen one… kept coming into my mind. Even so, I decided I was delusional, I’d been smoking too much wacky baccy, I convinced myself it had sent me psychotic. I gave it up there and then. I was ill I told myself, I must have finally flipped! I went into denial. But then the music hit me, songs I’d been listening to for years suddenly took on a whole new meaning.”
I showed him the cassette case where upon I’d written the biblical passage;
Isaiah Ch 62 v 6.
I have set watchmen upon thy walls O Jerusalem; they shall never hold their peace day nor night; they are the Lords remembrancers, take ye no rest, And give him no rest, till he establish, and till he make Jerusalem a praise of the earth.
I turned the walkman on and the music kicked in as Bob Marley’s voice sang out…
She loved to party, have a good time.
She looks so hearty, feeling fine.
She loved to smoke, sometimes shifting coke.
She’d be laughing when there aint no joke.
A pimpers paradise that’s all she was now…
As the chorus continued I said to the doc as a matter of fact, “I never did coke.”
A pimpers paradise that’s all she was now, every need got an ego to feed.
The music continued.
She loved to model up in the latest fashion.
She’s in the scramble and she moves with passion.
She’s getting high, trying to fly the sky.
Now she is bluesing when there aint no blues.
A pimpers paradise…
I eyed McGivitup, “And oh boy did I find myself buried in the blues! The weight of everything hitting me at once nigh on bloody killed me!”
Pimpers paradise that’s all she was now.
I’m sorry for the victim now because, soon their heads, soon their heads, soon their very heads will bow.
Don’t lose track, don’t lose track of yourself, don’t be just a stock on the shelf…
“It was beginning to appear that my life was written in the stars, even down to the giving up smoking thing. ‘Can you kick it? Yes you can,’ by A Tribe Called Quest, seemed to dominate the airwaves.”
The doc was looking gob smacked as an authoritative voice rang from the speakers, Do you realise what this could mean? It could be the end! Loudspeaker… Loudspeaker…Loudspeaker. A drum roll followed before it melted into a song by a band called Top.
Angel came from heaven, European skin.
Here she come all dressed in black, she always steals the scene.
Searching for adventure, sparkle in her eyes.
She’s got cosmic heaven, strewn between her thighs.
She’s got all the world in her hands…
The song continued as the doc surveyed me, dressed in my usual black. Then The Wonderstuff kicked in.
Laugh when he jokes, love him when he chokes, it’s time to give up the smokes.
And oh when he cries don’t wipe his eyes, take the wine from the swine and remind him of his crimes.
Ohh in another world, yeah he could wear a dress…
Imagine his surprise when he opened his eyes and I ran a lawnmower over his thighs…”that recurring word again…” I interjected.
Imagine the disturbance at the time of the occurrence when his life became a burden we laughed at his cries .
Oh in another world, yeah he could wear a dress.
Welcome to the cheap seats, welcome to the cheap seats, welcome to the cheap seats, where your life’s seen through cracked spectacles.
The doc was all ears as the song ended to be replaced with a noise resembling, fu fu fu, fu fu fu, fu fu fu…to me it sounded mildly like, fuck, fuck, fuck up! It tickled my funny bone.
“Yeah,” I said prophetically, “the media will no doubt do their best to rip me apart when this little lot comes to light, digging the dirt on my ‘crimes?’, in an effort to discredit Gods truth.”
The opening to Genesis’s Behind The Lines began to issue forth.
I held the book so tightly in my hands,
I saw your picture, heard you call my name
There was something strange, I could not look away
I wanted to be there, I wanted to go
You gave me no warning
You gave no reason
But I was with you
Right by your side
Just give me the strength, and I will help you
And they can try their hardest, cos they don’t frighten me
It is written in the book
It is hotter than I’ve known before, but I feel so cold, and I don’t
But if the fire within your heart can beat the storm
Then I really believe, you could make it right
Ooh the time has come now
We must show our feelings
But I’m looking right through you
And your heart is empty
Whatever happened to you it’s too late to change now
There’s nowhere you can run to, no place to hide
Ah you let me down!
…but wait a minute, I don’t understand
It’s getting stronger, so grab my hand
Don’t wanna leave you, don’t wanna go
But I’m losing all control
Can’t you see me? I’m slipping away
I can only stay if you’ve the will to keep me here
It is written in the book
Oh so many times since then I’ve read those words
Just waiting to see you, can you see me?
An instrumental played on and morphed into Duchess also by Genesis.
Times were good,
She never thought about the future, she just did what she would
Oh but she really cared
About her music, it all seemed so important then,
And she dreamed that every time that she performed
Everyone would cry for more,
That all she had to do was step into the light,
And everyone would start to roar.
And on the road,
Where all but a few fall by the wayside on the grassier verge,
She battled through
Against the others in her world, and the sleep, and the odds.
But now everytime that she performed
Oh everybody cried for more,
Soon all she had to do was step into the light,
For everyone to start to roar.
And all the people cried, you’re the one we’ve waited for.
Oh but time went by
It wasn’t so easy now, all uphill, and not feeling so strong.
Yes times were hard,
Too much thinking ’bout the future and what people might want.
And then there was the time that she performed
When nobody called for more
And soon everytime she stepped into the light,
They really let her know the score.
But she dreamed of the times when she sang all her songs
And everybody cried for more,
When all she had to do was step into the light
For everyone to start to roar.
And all the people cried, you’re the one we’ve waited for.
“Then I started questioning…but I’m a woman, I’m divorced, I’ve lived a wild life?
Isaiah Ch 66 v 7.
Before she travailed, she brought forth; before her pain came, she delivered of a man child. Who hath heard such a thing? Who hath seen such things? Shall a land be born in one day? Shall a nation be brought forth at once? for as soon as Zion travailed, she brought forth her children. Shall I bring to the birth, and not cause to bring forth? saith the Lord: shall I that cause to bring forth shut the womb? saith thy God.
Isaiah Ch 50 v 1.
Thus saith the Lord, where is the bill of your mothers divorcement, wherewith I have put her away? Or which of my creditors is it to whom I have sold you? Behold for your iniquities were ye sold, and for your transgressions was your mother put away.
Matthew Ch 11 v 19.
The son of man came eating and drinking, and they say, behold, a gluttonous man and a wine biber, a friend of publicans and sinners. And wisdom is justified by HER works.”
I hit the on button of the walkman, Carter’s Unstoppable Sex Machine thundered into our senses with their crash, bang, wallop, loudly pulsating rhythm vibrating like an oncoming earthquake.
Exhibit F the reporter said. Loved you to death after the watershed.
Between the open university and close down you were dead.
He warmed your cockles with his magic tricks.
Glasses, bottles, bottles, filter tips.
John Player special number six, six, six.
Exhibit G from the family firm, his bride to be taking twists and turns, to give you French kisses and Chinese burns.
She had a skin-full and she couldn’t stop, just like a pit bull in a China shop.
And all the cream social workers, the Gurkha’s and the cops somehow couldn’t love you back to life again now.
A black eye for a black eye, a chipped tooth for a chipped tooth.
Nothing but the home truth, nothing but the home truth.
And it’s goodbye Ruby Tuesday, come home you silly cow.
We baked a cake and your friends are waiting, David Icke said he’d like to show us how, to love you back to life again now.
Goodbye Ruby Tuesday, come home you silly cow…
I flicked off the walkman and addressed McGivitup.
“A couple of those songs didn’t appear until some time later but it’ll give you an idea of the climate into which Gilbert came round busting for a fight. Saladin, who was fourteen at the time, had become very confused with the war that had broken out between us with the coming of The Top Dog. He had decided, after being verbally bombarded by his father with an endless list of negatives concerning his mothers new man, to go with the devil he knew and had moved in with his dad. Having previously been the man of the house he was probably feeling a little usurped as well, although The Top Dog has never interfered in their lives unless they’ve requested him to. Still, his dad was now demanding that I signed the family allowance book over to him. I duly complied but he couldn’t bring himself to leave until he’d crowed it over us. Saladin had gone to live with him because that’s where he was happiest. Sparah wouldn’t be far behind he predicted, because frankly I’d lost it. I tried to reason with him and explain how I was striving to make the world a better place, but it was in vain, you just couldn’t deliberate with the man. I was informed in no uncertain terms that it wasn’t my place to worry about the world and its affairs, the second coming of Christ would be here soon enough to usher in that great day of reckoning…and then we would witness the corrupt bastards howl and gnash their teeth.” McGivitup was transfixed as I looked him in the eye sombrely. “As soon as the words were out of his mouth I felt a shiver run through my body. The hairs on my back and neck stood on end as the blood drained from my face. I’d never heard of the second coming of Christ in my life before, it was a total revelation to me. But suddenly my head filled with a million and one thoughts as I searched for truth. I looked at Gilbert still ranting, only I wasn’t hearing him anymore, I was seeing Peter the fisher of men, a babbling fool even way back then. I examined my opinion of Christ. I’d always thought he had been terribly misunderstood by the Christian religion. He was a rebel who stood up to a cruel and corrupt regime, while preaching righteousness, truth and Gods love. His path had also been preordained. As for the immaculate conception…it was obvious to me that Mary was a poor person who had been forced to prostitute herself in order to survive, hense she hadn’t a clue who the father was, thus Jesus jokingly became the son of God and hense forth referred to as the son of man, although which mortal man was not known. The loaves and the fishes story was simplicity itself as far as I was concerned, it was a case of a massive crowd pooling their resources then sharing equally so that all had more than enough…exactly what we need to do now at this, the end of the age. It never ceases to amaze me as to how many intelligent people have been taken in by what is effectively Chinese whispers stretching down the ages, with God alone knows how many people adding their version of what human morality ought to be, until the original teaching has been swamped and all but obliterated. ” I looked him in the eye earnestly. “And, it’s a little known fact that Christianity would have died the death and been buried in the long mists of time were it not for Saint Paul…he who had the revelation on the road to Damascus…it was only down to his zealous preaching that Christianity survived at all. And it was as all this was flashing through my head that I looked at The Top Dog, patiently ignoring Gilbert’s diatribe…he had diligently taken care of me when my health gave out. He fed me. He gently encouraged me to go out walking and working part time to keep going. He kept me alert by playing strategic board games. He was heavily into world history and how the many and varied wars had altered the worlds course. It came to me that he was the soldier of Christ that was Saint Paul.” I gazed into the middle distance. “And that was the first of many brain storms to come.”
McGivitup was speechless but obviously riveted.
“Still, after that, as soon as the opportunity arose I took off for the bath with the Bible. I randomly opened it again.
Hebrews Ch 9 v 28.
So Christ also, having been offered to bear the sins of many, shall appear a second time, apart from sin, to them that wait for him, unto salvation.
I felt like screaming…stop it, stop it, stop it! The weight I was feeling was totally and absolutely overwhelming…I was supposed to be saving the world and yet all my plans were disintegrating before my very eyes. How could I write a situation comedy promoting peace, love and harmony when all around me were declaring war? I opened again.
Hebrews Ch 10 v 7.
Then said I, Lo, I am come (in the roll of the book it is written of me) To do thy will, O God.
I should have been rejoicing, my prayers were being answered. Instead a deep, deep blackness was descending upon me. I was becoming overwhelmed by the blackest of black depressions. I clearly saw Gilbert digging his own grave. His needless, gain orientated treachery not only ripped my heart out when I thought of all that had gone before but he was causing me to lose the world. I felt the entire populace of earth was doomed because this one man and his wife had chosen to go down the wrong path. I was in abject despair, overtaken by a whole gamut of emotions. How could one man do so much damage? I opened again.
Hebrews Ch 10 v 29.
Of how much sorer punishment, think ye, shall he be judged worthy, who hath trodden underfoot the son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the spirit of grace.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! I cried as I looked down all my adult years. Gilbert had always been there. Yes he’d been an unholy pain a lot of the time…but we’d climbed mountains together, we had history, we’d turned bad into good. I couldn’t let him do this, I couldn’t allow his actions to cause me to lose the entire world, I had to stop him!”
“And did you?” McGivitup prompted.
“Oh I tried…unfortunately I only succeeded in causing myself more grief…I took to arranging to meet Gilbert in the dock…I desperately tried to talk sense into him, but it was like the LSD experience I’d had in the pub way back, I was so high above perceived normality that I failed to communicate. He just carried on sticking the knife in my back. And my running around after Gilbert caused me to get a lot of black eyed looks from The Top Dog. It was then that the Eurythmics Missionary Man came on the radio.” I glanced at the doc. “Are you familiar with that song?”
He shook his head.
“Well it goes like this.” I said flicking on the music machine.
I was born an original sinner
I was born from original sin
And if I had a dollar bill for all the things I’d done
There’d be a mountain of money piled up to my chin
My mother told me good
My mother told me strong
She said be true to yourself and you can’t go wrong
But there’s just one thing that you must understand
You can fool with your brother but don’t mess with the missionary man
Don’t mess with the missionary man
Don’t mess with the missionary man
Oh the missionary man
He’s got God on his side
He’s got the saints and apostles backing up from behind
Black eyed looks from those bible books
He’s a man with a mission
He’s got a serious scowl
There was a woman in the jungle and a monkey up a tree
The missionary man
He was following me
He said stop what your doing and get down upon your knees
I’ve got a message for you that you’d better believe…believe.
“Wow!” Was all the doc could muster.
“Wow indeed…I discovered you don’t mess with a missionary man. Although I was totally confused at the time, I thought I had to save everyone from what was coming, including Maggie and Gilbert. However, I was utterly and completely bombarded with a relentless torrent of supernatural phenomenon…it was as if my mind had become connected to the universe and the whole of eternity was being downloaded into my mind. At one point I became so saturated with knowledge that I could only hold one thought for a moment before another one was vying for my attention. And all the time magic was flying at me from every direction!” I held my arms wide in frustration, “how could it be? The life I had lived was being paraded before me in the most extraordinary of ways! They were singing about ‘my’ life…the life I’d lived was being revealed in ‘the’ book. To say I was gob smacked is the understatement of the entire history of the universe! I was seeing right back to Adam and Eve…We were Adam and Eve…I was the temptress…”
I shot him a look, “only it weren’t no apple, I can tell you! But somehow I determined to keep my eye on the goal, I was ‘not’ going to lose the world, somehow I would save the situation. Needless to say, I ended up losing my marbles big time. I was swamped by a million and one problems and I couldn’t understand why I was getting the cold treatment from The Top Dog. On the one hand he would possessively sling his arm round my shoulder and publicly kiss me if Isaac, Gilbert or any of their crew were around, while on the other, behind closed doors, he treated me coldly. I couldn’t understand it, I was cut to the quick, totally confused and confounded. The pain was unbearable. I thought he would have taken it as read that I had to save the situation with Gilbert in order to carry out the world saving quest. But by that point I was so deep in the pits of despair and black depression that I thought I was being punished for past sins from the former life of Eve which had previously been shrouded by death. In my black hole of dejection, whereby no one seemed to care whether I lived or died, I became ultra sensitive to The Top Dogs every move, his every word, looking for clues. It didn’t even occur to me that he might have been laying claim to me, showing them I was his. And being really hurt by my seeming betrayal of him. I should have left Gilbert to rot in his own bile, I can see that now. I hurt my man and I regret that.” I shook my head sadly. “But do you know what doc?” I looked at him. “Had the situation been reversed, I would have reacted in exactly the same way, because at the time of living it, he wasn’t aware of precisely how ill I was, I kept it from him. Just like I kept it from all my close family, I attempted to put up a front of normality, while doing my best to hide the reality. I told Gilbert and Maggie how ill I was, once as I recall quite angrily. And I can not express the gut wrenching emotions I went through on discovering that they couldn’t care less whether I lived or died, while taking advantage of the situation by continuing to stick a knife in my back at every opportunity! They set me on a downward cycle the likes of which have never been seen before! I must have driven The Top Dog demented, it was a bloody heavy load for a young man to bear, he was only twenty four then, nine years my junior and I know he felt as lost as I did with the situation that had developed and as it became obvious I was on a downward spiral, he became extraordinarily loving and concerned. Meanwhile the damage had been done, the demon voice of darkness began telling me that he was only with me because there was a job to do, a world to save. I strove to stay above the situation, telling myself it was the depression speaking, until the music hit me!”
I turned the music on again.
Led Zeppelin. Stairway To Heaven, rang out.
There’s a lady who’s sure all that glitters is gold and she’s buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows if the stores are all closed, with a word she can get what she came for.
Ooo…and she’s buying a stairway to heaven.
There’s a sign on the wall, but she wants to be sure, ’cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook, there’s a songbird who sings, sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.
Oo…it makes me wonder.
There’s a feeling I get when I look to the west, and my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees, and the voices of those who stand looking.
And it whispers that soon if we all call the tune, then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn, for those who stand long, and the forests will echo with laughter.
If there’s bustle in your hedgerow, don’t be alarmed now, it’s just a spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there’s still time to change the road you’re on.
And it makes me wonder.
Your head is humming and it won’t go, in case you don’t know, the piper’s calling you to join him.
Dear lady can you hear the wind blow, and did you know your stairway lays on the whispering wind.
And as we wind on down the road, our shadows taller than our soul, there walks a lady we all know who shines white light and wants to show how everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard, the tune will come to you at last, when all are one and one is all, to be a rock and not to roll.
And she’s buying a stairway to heaven.
” Suddenly The Top Dog became the songbird who sings, giving misgiven thoughts. And I was the one who wanted to be sure because yes, sometimes words do have two meanings. Why were they singing that if there was nothing in it, I wanted to know? What did the last line in Pimper’s Paradise mean…don’t lose track of yourself, don’t be just a stock on the shelf? Why were Genesis singing ‘that’ in Super’s Ready? I began to feel he was telling me without words, through the music, both that of the ‘stars’ and of his own, which he and his friends were playing regularly, that love didn’t enter into it. I was heart broken. I loved him so much it hurt. It was like a physical pain, it was insufferable. I started to feel as if even God had betrayed me. The weight of everything was crushing me, I could hardly bear it, but there was still a job to do and I’d be damned if I was going to let the world down without a fight. I started to harden my heart and manically began sending package after package to any ‘star’ I could get half an address for, in an attempt to call together the archers against Babylon, all them that bend the bow…which Biblical passage, Jeremiah Ch 50 v 29, I interpreted as meaning the songsters who bent the bow…guitar strings, and sent their arrows in the form of lyrics. I became obsessed with enlightening someone, anyone to the things that I saw, in order to gather the forces to fulfil the rest of that scripture…camp against her round about; let none thereof escape: recompense her according to her work; according to all that she hath done, do unto her: for she hath been proud against the Lord, against the Holy One of Israel. I even went on to send reams to the lads down south, attempting to enlighten them and thereby solve the Gilbert problem. Then The Top Dog proposed to me under an oak tree. He was trying to show me that I’d misunderstood his actions and that our love was for real. But although I always retained that tiny flicker of light deep inside that saw the truth, I was overwhelmed by the demon voice of dark depression that kept telling me he wasn’t marrying me for love but to restore harmony in the warring tribe, so enabling me to fulfil my destiny.” I eyed the doc thoughtfully, “I recall thinking that up to meeting The Top Dog, I’d managed to live my life with no regrets as regards the important stuff in life, but suddenly, with the proposal I acknowledged I was piling up regrets by the bucketful! Sadly there wasn’t a thing I could do about it except cling on to that tiny glimmer of truth that was battling to rise above the black depression that was sweeping me along and continually dragging me under. I knew the proposal came, out of love, to restore my peace of mind. Only the music escalated out of all proportion the negative state of mind I was in. Even though I knew I was in the presence of angels when The Top Dog and his friends got together to play their guitars and sing, there was one song that my depressive mind took literally. It’s called ‘Losing You’ and tells the story of a man who loves his woman but she’s in the gutter making herself quite a name…he says, I wanted you, you wanted anyone you could get, losing you might be the best thing yet. I tell you doc, I was well fucked! I thought they wanted me dead, my mind began taking everything the wrong way. I remember constantly wandering round the house mumbling, ‘death traps…fucking death traps everywhere!’ But I’ve never been one for giving in, I most certainly wasn’t about to crumble under this seemingly satanic onslaught, I fought it all the way. So, although I was dreading all the work a wedding would entail and I knew it was going to be an almighty struggle for me to get through it in my precarious state of both mental and physical health, we got planning and organising. I was constantly worn out, I had to apply mind over matter just to get through each day. And I tried desperately not to look on the black side and instead treat it as an all round healing ceremony. We invited all our family and friends, which was one massive crowd of people at the outset. I invited Gilbert, Maggie and Isaac and Gilbert and Isaac’s parents. Gilbert took it upon himself to invite all his friends to the evening celebrations! It was one hell of an exhausting day which we had to stay behind to clean up after. But it did have its high moments. One of which was Father Augustus surveying Mr. Prefect and his brothers, all slap heads. He declared, ‘by, if I’d have married their mam, them lads would have had hair!’ Then Gilbert’s dad gave me a big hug and told me he wished I’d been a daughter of his! And Isaac bless him, buried the hatchet, he gave us enough money by way of a wedding present to enable us to go on a honeymoon. It was a bit of a cheap skate affair, we begged a lift off one of the guests who would be passing through Aylesbury and spent a few days camping there. It was beautiful.”
“So did the wedding have the desired effect?”
“No, things went from bad to worse. I was really pleased that Isaac and I had made our peace but by that time Maggie was pregnant, she had a baby a month later and they were becoming increasingly desperate for a council house. The knives came out big time as they tried to discredit me. Suddenly people I’d known for years began crossing the road to avoid me. Malicious gossip was being spread and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it. I was still a gibbering wreck, I think I’d begun to suffer a complete breakdown by then. Meanwhile, the season ended and we were out of work with the bills still flooding in. Then Sparah who had hit the teens and discovered boys in a big way, was behaving badly. She was leading me a dance I couldn’t handle in my fragile state of health. Although I was as much to blame, I was blowing the situation out of proportion because I’d lost the ability to deal with it. So I asked her if she would mind going to live with her dad for a while until I was better. Gilbert treated that as a major victory, he crowed and gloated and blew his own trumpet, he swaggered and strutted and rammed his supposed triumph down our throats at every opportunity. Suddenly I realised that nothing I could do was going to repair that relationship. All I was achieving was leaving myself open to mega amounts of stress that I could well do without. All the constant aggravation was preventing my own healing process, if anything I was being pushed deeper and deeper into despair. I remember looking at him one day while he was ‘bigging’ himself up and just thinking, ‘your burying me alive, after everything I have done to keep your relationship with the kids on an even keel, this is how you repay me!’ Then a distant memory surfaced. I recalled Gilbert went through a phase in the early days of our marriage, telling anyone who would listen about an experience he’d had before we met when he and some pals had decided to hold a seance for a lark. They’d all sat round the ouija board with their fingers on the glass. Apparently the thing went wild, it kept demanding out, out, out, before going to him and jabbing like a finger, then spelling out death. He claimed it kept it up until he left the room and it scared him witless. As I stood there on the receiving end of yet more of his bile, I realised that I had to let go…he was killing me! That night I randomly opened The Bible and read.
Revelation Ch 12 v 1.
And a great sign was seen in heaven; a woman arrayed with the sun and the moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve stars; And she was with child: and she crieth out, travailing in birth, and in pain to be delivered. And there was seen another sign in heaven; and behold, a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his heads seven diadems. And his tail draweth the third part of the stars of heaven, and did cast them to the earth: and the dragon stood before the woman which was about to be delivered, that when she was delivered, he might devour her child. And she was delivered of a son, a man child, who is to rule the nations with a rod of iron: and her child was caught up unto God, and unto his throne. And the woman fled into the wilderness, where she hath a place prepared of God, that there they may nourish her, a thousand two hundred and threescore days.
Revelation Ch 12 v 14.
And there were given to the woman the two wings of the great eagle, that she might fly into the wilderness unto her place, where she is nourished for a time, and times and half a time, from the face of the serpent. And the serpent cast out of his mouth after the woman water as a river, that he might cause her to be carried away by the stream. And the earth helped the woman, and the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed up the river which the dragon cast out of his mouth.
I cast them out of my life there and then. Although the heartache didn’t end there, they failed to afford me the same rights I’d always afforded them as regarded the kids. Week followed endless week, then stretched into months, without so much as a word. I was reduced to walking the streets just to catch a glimpse of my own children. In my deeply depressed state I was seeing this as totally undeserved, I felt I was being punished…it sent me reeling down a path that wasn’t mine to follow. I can’t blame the kids, they were teenagers, renowned for being self-centred. Gilbert and Maggie weren’t teenagers, they were adults who I had always treated fairly. Their willingness to allow the kids to cut all contact with me was a wicked act in the extreme, but deliberate on their part. To say I was cut to the quick by their betrayal is the understatement of the millennium, I was totally heartbroken at being estranged from my own children, I felt as if the final carpet had been cruelly pulled from under my feet. And I couldn’t argue with them anymore, my strength was spent, I was empty of fight. Although it had been just prior to my finally closing the door on them and placing them in the past tense, that I’d been thinking a lot about my own mothers death. I’d had no regrets when she died. So because no effort had been made to encourage the kids to keep contact with me, I’d begun to freak out about the mountain of regrets they would have to contend with were I to expire. That was the last conversation I willingly held with Gilbert and Maggie, when I asked them to consider these things. It made not one iota of difference. I had to let it go, I needed to restore my own health. So I earnestly determined not to be drawn back into their seedy, one-up-man-ship, back stabbing, underhand world. It was months later when The Top Dog and I were going to visit his mum, who lived just up the street from Gilbert. She was one of the most loving, caring and gentle women you could wish to meet, she treated me as if I were her own daughter, she loved me and cared for me and helped me heal. On the way we had to walk past Gilbert’s cottage and he was stood outside having what appeared to be a heated altercation with the couple whose children I’d looked after while they toured America. I had no idea what it was about, no one told me anything about what my children were up to. I was still really ill and had no desire to be drawn into another one of Gilbert’s dramas. So I thought stuff him, if he’s such a perfect parent he can deal with it. He’d shut me out of the lives of my own children, I didn’t know who they were anymore, it was his problem, he could deal with it. I walked straight by only briefly acknowledging the couple and ignoring Gilbert. I’m sure they were shocked, but I wouldn’t have known where to begin explaining the reasoning behind my actions. I quietly told myself that the truth would out one day, until then they could believe whatever they wished. And the Biblical passages just kept coming.
11 Corinthians Ch 8 v 9.
For ye know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that, though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, that ye through his poverty might become rich.
Yeah, I’ve been poor and poverty stricken but once my mission comes to fruition the world will be vastly richer.
Luke Ch 17 v 25.
But first he must suffer many things and be rejected of this generation.
Chronologically I’m not relating the history of this period very well. Only at the time of living it I was swamped, it was as if everything happened simultaneously. But these passages always presented themselves at the appropriate moment.
Jeremiah Ch 8 v 21.
For the hurt of the daughter of my people am I hurt; I am black; astonishment hath taken hold on me. Is there no balm in Gilead? is there no physician there? why then is not the health of the daughter of my people recovered?
Yet my healers were all around me. I was being nursed and nourished to the best of their ability. Their songs were supposed to be uplifting. Only I didn’t see it. If there was a sign to misread, I misread it.
Jeremiah Ch 17 v13.
O Lord, the hope of Israel, all that forsake thee shall be ashamed; they that depart from me shall be written in the earth, because they have forsaken the Lord, the fountain of living waters.
Isaiah Ch 51 v 9.
Awake, awake, put on strength, O arm of the Lord; awake as in the days of old, the generations of ancient times. Art thou not it that cut Rahab in pieces, that pierced the dragon?
I was feeling totally exhausted with these revelations. I’d relived them so many times before I was sick at heart of the whole thing. All I wanted to do was forget everything and move on. I’d been trying to enlighten the outside world to the truth for so long it defied belief. This thing was most certainly being written in blood. I’d started out writing everything by hand. Then I progressed to a typewriter. Then a word processor. I worked that thing so hard it burnt out, losing all my material. Another word processor and the task of reproducing all my former words, hellish events I would have preferred to forget but couldn’t…the world depended on my word so how could I cast it from my mind? I couldn’t. The children depended on me and me alone. I had to be strong. I no longer knew how I would see this thing through, but I had to keep faith that a solution would present itself at the God given time.”
“Well things obviously came right in the end,” the doc interjected, “your always talking about your children and grandchildren.”
“Yes they did, it was a long hard journey, and there is so much I’ve not related, but The Top Dog and I decided to start a family. I knew he was worried about my, still precarious, state of health. But I was determined, I knew he was desperate to be a dad and I needed something to fill the huge gaping hole that the departure of my other two had left. And I knew, if anything would lure them back, it would be a new brother or sister to play with. So, despite The Top Dogs reservations, I got pregnant. It’s the best thing I ever did because even though I was convinced he would be a girl, to the degree of not even choosing a boys name, Jah came kicking and laughing into this world and my heart swelled with unbridled love. He was all the healing I needed. And it was he whose happy, laughing nature brought my lost children home again…after Gilbert and Maggie had got their much sought after council house, which was, joy of joys in another village well away from ours! Unfortunately Saladin had been pushed into the merchant navy by his father, I hadn’t been consulted once about this matter. Sal hated it and later admitted that towards the end he became suicidal. I told him to pack it in. Which he did. His grandfather then barged into our house… for the first time since I’d divorced Gilbert. I’d always made it clear to Gilbert’s parents from the outset that they were welcome to visit their grand children, they never did. He only came round to rip the shit out of Saladin. He was no grandson of his, apparently, he was a poor excuse for a man! A no good waster who would amount to nothing! Blah, blah, blah. Yeah right! At least he was happy and in my book that’s what counts. Still, throughout all this, the Biblical passages kept coming. And by this point I’d found another battle to fight. Yorkshire Water.
1 John Ch 5 v 6.
This is he that came by water and blood, even Jesus Christ; not with the water only, but with the water and with the blood…women bleed.
And then, after my court case and interaction with the judge.
Revelation Ch 19 v 15.
And out of his mouth proceedeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness of the wrath of Almighty God. And he hath on his GARMENT and on his THIGH a name written, King of Kings, and Lord of Lords.”
McGivitup was speechless, astonishment issued from every pore on his body.
“How the fuck do you think I felt?” I looked at him wide eyed. “Me of the magic fucking thighs. Me whose garment is littered every which way in the form of a paper trail I’ve left in my wake. Me whose been carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders for what feels like forever!. Like the acid trip enlightened me, its been a long and heavy road I’ve travelled. Especially when I realised that it was because of this ‘job’, this ‘destined path’ that was mine to follow, that my mother died when she did.”
The doc looked bewildered. “How do you make that out?”
“Because had she lived when I passed through ‘my enlightenment’ phase, as it were, and all the shit that entailed, I would definitely have ended up being sectioned. She was a good mother, the best, but had she witnessed me going through what I went through she would have completely freaked out and done what she thought would have been for the best, she would have had me sectioned.”
McGivitup just looked at me wide eyed and agape.
I looked into the middle distance in awestruck wonderment as tears welled in my eyes before uttering, “and she gave up her short lived life for me and the love of mankind…that is some sacrifice.”
The doc appeared to be shell shocked as I continued.
“Still, somehow, as time passed, I came to terms with it all. I got my head together and as the depression lifted, so did all the former black thoughts. And although I’ve never been as light hearted as I once was, what with the responsibility of this thing bearing down on me, I managed to come to terms with the fact that all I could do was my best. I did just that and got on with enjoying my family and oh boy we’ve had plenty of joy, shed loads of it. Mini Me came along when Jah was four and a half. Life was busy. I still took every opportunity to move the quest forward and got down in the dumps every time I failed, but having become more philosophical about the whole thing, instead of freaking out about my failures, I began to think maybe the time wasn’t yet right, after all, all the past stuff had worked itself out, why shouldn’t the future? Although having said that, these past few years have seen me freaking out quite a lot, hence my high blood pressure, because I feel the time is right now! As soon as the twin towers came down the urgency kicked in. But, to relate everything I’ve passed through would take an age, because it becomes ever more subtle the more you delve. But the music also kept coming at me.”
I switched on the tape again.
Queen. The Prophet’s Song, rang out.
Oh oh people of the earth, listen to the warning the seer he said.
Beware the storm that gathers here, listen to the wise man.
I dreamed I saw on a moonlit stair, spreading his hands on the multitude there.
A man who cried for a love gone stale, and ice cold hands of charity bare.
I watched as fear took the old mans gaze, hopes of the young in troubled graves. ‘I see no day’ I heard him say, so grey is the face of every mortal.
Oh oh people of the earth, ‘Listen to the warning’ The prophet he said.
For soon the cold of night will fall, summonded by your own hand.
Ah ah children of the land, quicken to the new life take my hand.
Fly and find the new green bough, return like the white dove.
He told of death as a bone white haze, taking the lost and the unloved babes.
Late to late all the wretches run.
These kings of beasts now counting their days.
From mother’s love is the son estranged, married his own his precious gain.
The earth will shake in two will break, and death all around will be your dowry.
Oh oh people of the earth, listen to the warning the seer he said.
For those who hear and mark my words, listen to the good plan.
Oh oh and two by two my human zoo.
They’ll be running for to come, running for to come, out of the rain.
Flee for your lives who need me now.
Let all your treasures make you fear for your life, deceive you not the fires of hell will take you, should death await you.
Ah people can you hear me?
And now I know that you can hear me.
God give you grace to purge this place, and peace all around may be your fortune.
Oh oh children of the land, love is still the answer take my hand.
The vision fades a voice I hear, Listen to the mad man!
But still I fear and still I dare not, Laugh at the mad man!
Then Peter Gabriel. Solsbury Hill.
Climbing up on Solsbury Hill
I could see the city light
Wind was blowing, time stood still
Eagle flew out of the night
He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard a voice
Standing stretching every nerve
I had to listen had no choice
I did not believe the information
Just had to trust imagination
My heart was going boom boom boom
‘Son,’ he said, ‘grab your things, I’ve come to take you home.’
To keeping silence I resigned
My friends would think I was a nut
Turning water into wine
Open doors would soon be shut
So I went from day to day
Though my life was in a rut
‘Till I thought of what I’d say
Which connection I should cut
I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
My heart was going boom boom boom
‘Hey’ he said, ‘grab your things, I’ve come to take you home.’
Yeah back home
When illusion spin her net
I’m never where I want to be
And liberty she pirouette
When I think that I am free
Watched by empty silhouettes
Who close their eyes, but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
I will show another me
Today I don’t need a replacement
I’ll tell them what the smile on my face meant
My heart was going boom boom boom
‘Hey,’ I said, ‘you can keep my things, they’ve come to take me home.
Kula Shaker. Mystical Machine Gun.
Don’t hide your pretty face from me
You awoke from the riddle of your life
But no one was there for you
Open up to where you first began
As a nicotine junkie singing for a kodacam
Are you glad to see how far you’ve come?
Your a wizard in a blizzard
A mystical machine gun
Watch the skies
For the mystical machine gun fire
Don’t hide that special place from me
You walked through the fire with the ten headed lion
And turned on your destiny
Open up forget your life
Breathe in breathe out
Retain a sense of suicide
Are you glad to see how far you’ve come?
Your a wizard in a blizzard
A mystical machine gun
Well you’ve got to be stronger now
Than them, now you’ve got to be strong
You’ll be singing the song of life ’till then
You’ll just have to be strong
Once the lyrics ended, the four horses of the apocalypse could be heard galloping and neighing in the background as a voice implored, ‘Everybody stay calm…don’t panic…it’s just the end of the world…you’ll be alright.’
The docs face was ashen.
Then a short burst of Arthur Brown’s maniacal voice rang out.
I am the God of hell fire and I bring you…FIRE.
In the darkness I will shine
Cast no shadows or define
Walk on water float on air
There is no other to compare
I have this fascination
No cause for deviation
It’s called levitation, levitation, levitation
There is no cause to start and scream
Nor rub your eyes this is no dream
Although I sit upon this chair
I rise and float up in the air
Magnetic force repel attract
Once it starts there’s no turning back
I offer you this chance to learn
Take it now there’s no return
“Please don’t tell me you can walk on water?” The doc asked, aghast.
I’d already spotted a way of demonstrating this supposed phenomenon, I skipped across the stream and back without getting my feet wet.
“But you were stepping on rocks just below the water.” He wisely observed.
“Exactly,” I replied, “you know how the tide comes in on our beach, some of the scaurs that are near the low tide mark, are actually almost as high as the shoreline, so when the tide comes in, the rest of the beach is covered in water, while the higher scaurs are visible until the last moment. Then once they are finally covered with seawater, a viewer from the shore would be given the illusion that anyone out on that scaur were walking on water.”
“And what about levitating?”
I laughed, “I’m levitating you as we speak!”
He quickly looked around himself nervously, as if he expected to find himself floating in mid air.
“I’m levitating you to a higher state of consciousness.”
By the time we had finished talking, Genesis and their Supper’s Ready was building to its crescendo.
With the guards of Magog, swarming around,
The Pied Piper takes his children underground.
Dragons coming out of the sea,
Shimmering silver head of wisdom looking at me.
He brings down the fire from the skies,
You can tell he’s doing well by the look in human eyes.
Better not compromise.
It won’t be easy.
666 is no longer alone,
He’s getting out the marrow in your back bone,
And the seven trumpets blowing sweet rock and roll,
Gonna blow right down inside your soul.
Pythagoras with his looking glass reflects the full moon,
In blood, he’s writing the lyrics of a brand new tune.
And its hey babe, with your guardian eyes so blue,
Hey my baby, don’t you know our love is true,
I’ve been so far from here,
Far from your loving arms,
Now I’m back again, and babe its gonna work out fine.
Can’t you feel our souls ignite
Shedding ever changing colours, in the darkness of the fading night,
Like the river joins the ocean, as the germ in a seed grows
We have finally been freed to get back home.
There’s an angel standing in the sun, and he’s crying with a loud voice,
‘This is the supper of the mighty one,’
The Lord of Lords,
The King of Kings,
Has returned to lead his children home,
To take them to a new Jerusalem.
McGivitup was sat with his mouth open, starring ahead looking stunned. Then Buffy Sainte Marie began singing.
Oo down Tipi Town
I been out here on the edge of space
In the human race
I guess I’d gotten lonely but
Now it’s not the way it should be but
I know its not the way it could be and
It’s pretty good for kindergarten and
Come on, we’re only getting started
Thumb-hand human band
out among the far locations
That the music’s heaven-sent
we can fly on instruments
beyond our isolation and
No its not the way it should be but
Here and now is how it is and
It’s pretty good for kindergarten and
Come on, we’re only getting started
Understand in time
It’s a sweet investigation
We’re learning rope by rope
Climbing hope by hope
In every combination and
No it’s not the way it should be but
It’s wild in its uniqueness and
Here comes the magic number
So come on, we’re only getting started
As the music drew to a close I started.
“Oh yes, I almost forgot, I haven’t mentioned the numerology.”
“The what ology?” The doc asked dazedly.
“Numerology, the system as found in Dennis Wheatly’s book The Devil And All His Works.”
I handed him a slip of paper, whose contents can be found at the back of this book.
He scanned the paper. “Your number is 999?” He looked at me in amazement. “And Jesus Christ is 99?”
“Work it out for yourself, each letter has a number. You add the letters up, then keep adding up the results until your left with a single number.”
He appeared to do just that. He finally looked up. “Fucking hell Constantine!” He declared.
“Doctor McGivitup…you swore!” I pretend chastised, while grinning inanely at him. I felt so much better for having got that little lot off my shoulders, knowing it would wing its way to someone who would take it seriously.
The doc rubbed his eyes vigorously, before staring into the middle distance, clearly travelling back through all that had past between us.
“So,” he finally asked, “how are you going to save the world?”
“By issuing the final warning.”
“Well you’ve already had a taste of it from my war on water battle. But, imagine a globe with the equator running through the middle of it. Those at the top of the globe are the souls that have moved mountains to do good works, like Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Bob Geldof and all the wonderful people seen and unseen who have strived to make the world a better place. At the bottom, in the pits, are Saddam Hussein, Hitler, Mugabe and all such vile despots. The rest are somewhere in-between. Those above the equator are the ones who will be back in the human form next time round. Those below will not, at least not unless they turn their backs on their former wickedness and begin making amends rapid like! Although they will still have to go through purgatory and accept whatever befalls them with grace and humility. For example,” I started gesticulating, “imagine all the people who uphold Mugabe’s regime. The soldiers, the police, the henchmen, who follow his orders either through greed or fear. They, unlike their leader whose foul actions has lost him the right to human life eternally, will be given the chance to redeem themselves. So, if they turn around and stop upholding the dictator, instead, helping their country men and women to rebuild what has been destroyed, then they will save their eternal lives. They might still find themselves with soul debts that will need to be paid, but their eternal souls will be saved. Those who don’t, won’t! They will find themselves following Saddam Hussein’s eternal future destiny of being incarnated as food stuff for the rest of us to savour for ever and ever more amen. There is much more to it, but that’s the basics.”
The doc was looking at me with stunned wonderment. “Your going to do it,” he said, “your really going to save the world.”
“Too right I am!” I beamed at him.
We began making our way home shortly after that, mostly in silence, with the doc concentrating hard on what was going on in his own head. He threw the occasional comment into the air. “Brutality shall be no more.” A little later. “Wars shall cease.” Then. “Corrupt governments shall crumble.”
We had just entered the glade before the woods when he looked at me suspiciously and said, “999 is the opposite of 666!”
I laughed fiendishly, “oh, didn’t I mention I’m the devil as well! Because you know what they say…one mans saviour is another mans devil…and anyone who steps out of line from now on, has me to answer too and my punishments are proper justified! You reap what you sow.”
The doc forgot to get off his bike before entering the woods. He hurtled off at high speed straight into a tree! I thought I was going to have to give him the kiss of life. When he finally came round he peered at the sky as if he expected the omnipresent One Himself to descend. Then he saw me and a look of horror crossed his face.
“Don’t worry doc, I’ve been there, lived through that…why do you suppose I got it into my head that they were all out to get me way back in those days of deep depression?”
He shook his head, appearing distinctly uneasy.
“Because that fact occurred to me straight away…the very moment I discovered my numerical number was 999, I immediately reversed it to 666 and convinced myself I was the devil incarnate! I failed to check out the number of Jesus Christ, Jesus = 9, Christ = 9 and if you add 6 + 6 + 6 = 1 + 8 = 9.”
My eyes were twinkling into his. “But I am the devil incarnate to those that commit evil because I own their souls, it’s written!
Revelation.9v11. And they had a King over them, the angel of the Abyss, whose name in Hebrew is Abaddon. Lol.
Also, Revelation.1v18. I am he that liveth, and was dead; and behold, I am alive for ever more, A-men; and I have the keys of HELL and DEATH.
And, Revelation.10v7. But in the days when the seventh angel is about to sound his trumpet, the mystery of God will be accomplished just as he announced to his servants the prophets.
Only I ain’t got no power over you Doc, you’re too good to be true doc. It’s only those that are going to accuse me of blaspheming God, with my use of language, that I shall have power over. The ones who blaspheme Him by riding rough shod over His creation and His people, while falsely declaring they do it in His name…who’s the blasphemer? I may well take the piss out of God in jest, but have I murdered His innocent children in some spurious claim of political righteousness, have I destroyed His creation for profit? I think not…I may well be the biblical beast and I may well be heading for a short term hell in a bucket…but who gives a flying feck…to save all the beautiful children who just want the chance to live in peace and freedom, I’d do it time and time again. Because those that are good are absolutely adorable and I’ll love them for all eternity. Those who have shit on Gods beloved children and His wondrous creation however are going to be keeling over in their thousands and millions. Even the national treasure that was William Blake, whose iconic work still resonates throughout this green and pleasant land in the form of Jerusalem
wrote of me. In his work Ore Verus Urizen. The theme is expressed by Blake in two opposing characters. One is the jealous and fearful God of the Old Testament, oppressive in State and Church, whom Blake calls Urizen. The other is the perpetually young figure of Christ with the sword, overthrowing the established orders and bringing liberty. This can be found in The Book of Thel. In his The Marriage of Heaven and Hell. One of the main foundations of Blake’s philosophy is the reversal of conventional ideas. In order to understand the teachings, you must overturn them. Blake held that materialistic logic is the hidden force of Heaven-the conventional good, the Orthodox God-which forces man into a mould, restrains his instincts by rules, and limits his spirit by measurement. On the other hand, energy and inspiration are the forces of Satan-what the conventual call Hell or evil-which free man’s instincts from rules and measurement. It is only in such freedom that man’s spirit can soar to it’s greatest heights, and unite body and soul to achieve human genius. Blake urges man to allow his spirit to soar as high as it can.
And so do I.
But now you might understand why it’s all opposite’s? Why I was sent to be a ‘sinful?’ woman. The religious zealots, who are mortal men, desire to oppress the people, especially women, and keep them in chains, claiming to do so in God’s name! Well I’m here to tell them that it’s the end of the age and those that refuse to allow their brother’s and sister’s to live peacefully in freedom will be out of here permanently! To be deleted out of the lambs book of eternal (human) life and sent to a planet that is still evolving through hell or the animal kingdom (food chain) to reside for ever more.
“Jesus Constantine!” He exclaimed as he rolled over and let it all out with hysterical laughter.
“Yes my son?” I answered him knowing that no reply would be forthcoming.
Revelation. Chapter 13 v 18.
Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.
The Beast…number 666…who can fight the beast?
And this beast is taking you to The New Jerusalem.